Friendship Therapy

S7, Ep 5 Best Friend Therapy: Drama Triangle - Do you end up having the same old arguments? Listen and learn how to handle conflict better.

Mar 4, 2024

The podcast delves into the Drama Triangle concept, discussing how people get stuck in relationship conflicts. It explores the roles of Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim, and offers insights on improving communication to resolve conflicts. The hosts share personal experiences and provide examples of using the Winners Triangle for more productive interactions.

41:44

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Episode guests

Elizabeth Day

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Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Recognize and shift from the Drama Triangle roles (rescuer, persecutor, victim) to Winner's Triangle roles (caretaker, assertive, vulnerable) for better conflict resolution.

Practice the Winner's Triangle communication process by acknowledging the other person's situation, expressing personal feelings, and stating clear needs to foster adult communication and understanding in conflicts.

Deep dives

Understanding the Drama Triangle

The Drama Triangle concept, developed by Stephen Cartman in the 60s, explores the roles individuals take in conflicts: rescuer, persecutor, and victim. Each role represents learned responses to conditioning and is not a conscious choice. The rescuer seeks to help but can feel pressured to solve problems to avoid their own feelings. The persecutor criticizes and exerts power, while the victim feels disempowered and helpless in conflict situations.

Introduction

2min

Exploring the Drama Triangle and Podcast Evolution

2min

Understanding the Drama Triangle Dynamics

26min

Improving Communication in Relationships

5min

Navigating the Dynamics of Guilt, Resentment, and Passive Aggression in Relationships

3min

Navigating Conflict Through Clear Communication

3min

Welcome back to Best Friend Therapy and this season’s opportunity for Emma to therapise our beloved guinea pig, Elizabeth Day, whilst offering some psycho-education for us all about the Transactional Analysis concept of the “Drama Triangle” - why and how we end up repeating conflict in relationships (be they personal or professional) and what we can do to change it.

The Drama Triangle was developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s and tells us about three unhealthy roles we take on in drama - the Rescuer, the Persecutor, the Victim.

Elizabeth talks about a time she adopted the role of Rescuer as a way of defending her Victim and she recognises the futile task of trying to solve someone’s problems when they are not yet ready to change. She also tells us about the guilt she feels when she fails the other person and we uncover the unconscious motivations that are keeping her stuck.

Listen along with an example of your own and ask yourself:

If you’re the Rescuer, what are your feelings and needs?

If you’re the Persecutor, what can’t you tolerate really?

If you’re the Victim, what are your options to take back control?

Emma explains and gives examples of how to channel more productive, constructive Adult communication using Acey Choy’s “Winners Triangle”, to remove the conflict and get closer to the results you want.

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The original reference for the Drama Triangle is: Karpman MD, Stephen (1968). "Fairy tales and script drama analysis". Transactional Analysis Bulletin. 26 (7): 39–43. https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/pdf/DramaTriangle.pdf

Choy, Acey (1990). The Winner's Triangle Transactional Analysis Journal 20(1):40 https://www.scribd.com/document/577707612/Winner-s-Triangle

And this brilliant book by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines is a great introduction to all things TA, including Eric Berne’s work on Games: https://amzn.eu/d/eZEkUmD

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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.

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Social Media:

Elizabeth Day @elizabday

Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell

Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy

Email: contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk