What To Do When Someone Pisses You Off

If you’ve ever been triggered by someone’s words or actions, push play on today’s podcast. I share a story of a time when I was triggered and the process I went through to sort through it. The bottom line is that whenever you’re feeling angry, grumpy, or dissonance it’s because a value is being stepped on. Values are unique and personal to all of us. And while we may share certain values with other people, the same values are not shared by everyone. Taking a beat to understand what specific values are being tromped helps to understand the upset and move past it.

Read the full written blog post here.

SHOW NOTES:

Knowing your core values helps to determine when they are being stepped on. Get your free Values Workbook by subscribing here. 

When you are feeling triggered, take the following steps:

* Push the pause button and if possible remove yourself from the situation.

* Take several deep breaths - in through your nose, out through your mouth - to help you calm and re-center. Noticing how your breath enters your body, the rise and fall of your breath, counting your breaths deepen the calming.

* Ask yourself what value is being stepped on - either by you, another person or a situation. You may need to sit with this for a bit and sort through different thoughts and ideas.

* The goal here is to not make yourself or anyone else wrong. It’s about noticing and naming. 

* A few examples from the podcast: 

😠 This is a workshop – not a day spa. We’ve all paid money to be in a professional setting to learn a new skill. While we’re zooming in from our homes, it’s not a permission slip to show up half naked. Value: Propiety

😠 Thomas being half-naked also draws attention to him and away from the collective. It’s distracting and doesn’t allow room for other people to “take up space” and be seen. Value: Equity

😠 Honey Babe peering into the camera and asking how zoom works indicates that she didn’t have an understanding of the format and didn’t prepare properly. Thomas explaining how it operates while on zoom detracts from the group’s ability to bond before the workshop starts. Values: Preparation, Respect of the Group’s Needs 

😠 Thomas rubbing Honey Babe’s shoulders and telling the participants he has a massage table is inappropriately sexual in the workshop setting. This isn’t a love nest. Values: Professionalism, Respect of Boundaries 

* Once you have clarity on which values have been stepped on, you have some choices.

* Course correct your own actions if you’re the one responsible for tromping a core value. 

* For example, when I snap at someone, I apologize for my words and actions, and course correct to honor my value of kindness. 

* Consider removing yourself from the situation or person.

* For example, there’s a producer who was consistently rude to people on the team. When this person was not able to course correct, we parted ways. 

* Communicate why a value is being stepped on, but don’t expect someone to honor your value. 

* For example, when I tell my children that I value cleanliness and will they please pick up their dishes, they understand my value. They don’t share that value, but are willing to honor mine for the sake of keeping their mother grounded. 🤷

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