How to Heal from Shame, Guilt and Regret

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May 2, 2025

Dive into the emotional landscape of shame, guilt, and regret, and discover how they shape our self-esteem. Learn the transformative difference between feeling guilty about a mistake and succumbing to shame that distorts our sense of self. Explore practical exercises that emphasize honesty and connection in overcoming toxic feelings. Embrace accountability as a path to healing and hope, and find inspiration in metaphors of gradual recovery. It's all about fostering self-compassion and turning mistakes into opportunities for growth.

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INSIGHT

Guilt vs. Shame Differentiation

Guilt is the feeling of having made a mistake and can motivate us to fix it.
Shame distorts guilt into "I am a mistake," causing worthlessness and self-blame.

ADVICE

Clarify Responsibility Exercise

Use a paper split into two to list your actions and others' actions for clarity.
Tear the paper to remind yourself you aren't responsible for others' harmful choices.

ADVICE

Choosing Accountability Over Hiding

When you admit you did something wrong, choose to face it and make repairs.
Avoid hiding, blaming, excusing or numbing, as these fuel toxic shame.

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View the Guilt, Shame, Regret Flowchart: Figma Flowchart

Guilt, shame, and regret can either drive growth or trap us in toxic self-condemnation. Guilt says, “I made a mistake,” prompting accountability and repair. Shame, however, distorts this into “I am a mistake,” fueling feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and isolation. Toxic shame seeps into our thoughts (“I’m broken”), our bodies (hiding, withdrawing), and our actions (people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sabotage).

When we do bear responsibility, we face a choice: hide in shame or take action. Avoidance—blaming, numbing, or labeling ourselves as broken—only fuels more suffering. True healing comes through accountability: acknowledging mistakes, making amends, and learning from the experience.

Breaking free from shame requires shifting from self-condemnation to self-compassion. When we embrace responsibility without collapsing into self-hatred, we build confidence, connection, and a life rooted in integrity.

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.