Edging: The Sneaky Behavior that Keeps Men Stuck in Addiction

18 snips

Oct 1, 2025

Vern Tompke, a longtime recovery advocate and educator, shares his journey from struggling with pornography addiction to helping others through the Finding Traction program. In this discussion, he introduces the concept of "edging"—using social media and digital distractions that reinforce addictive behaviors. Vern emphasizes the biological, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of recovery, highlighting the importance of daily connections and eliminating triggers. He shares practical steps for moving toward a fuller life and replacing unhealthy habits with meaningful connections.

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INSIGHT

Edging Keeps You 'Technically' Clean

Edging is grooming behavior that keeps men near acting out without full relapse.
Vern Tompke calls it sneaky, letting men lie to themselves that they are still technically clean.

INSIGHT

Social Media Mimics Porn Addiction

Social media now functions like porn as a source of arousal through short hits.
Vern notes platforms and algorithms deliver intermittent reinforcement that mimics porn's effects.

INSIGHT

Intermittent Reinforcement Hooks The Brain

Intermittent reinforcement from scrolling produces tiny dopamine hits that keep attention hooked.
Vern compares the one-finger scroll to slot machines and passive brain engagement.

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In this episode, I welcome back Vern Tompke to discuss the evolving challenges men face in recovering from pornography addiction. We dive into this concept of “edging”—using social media or other kinds of media for arousal without fully acting out—and how today’s digital landscape complicates recovery.

Vern shares his personal journey, practical strategies, and the importance of daily connection and removing triggers. Together, we explore the biological, emotional, and spiritual sides of addiction, emphasizing that true recovery isn’t just about avoidance, but about pursuing a richer, more connected life.

To learn more about Vern and the resources he has, visit BandofBrothers.care.

Topics Covered in this Episode:

The concept of "edging" in relation to pornography addiction and recovery.
Vern Tompke's personal journey with pornography addiction and his transition into helping others.
The impact of social media platforms on recovery and the new challenges they present.
The biological, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of addiction and recovery.
The importance of daily connection and accountability in the recovery process.
The distinction between "red," "yellow," and "green" behaviors in the context of recovery.
The role of dopamine and intermittent reinforcement in addiction and recovery.
The necessity of replacing unhealthy behaviors with positive activities.
The misconception that recovery is solely about avoiding pornography.
The long-term journey of recovery and the importance of pursuing a fulfilling life beyond addiction.

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