A few years ago, I wrote the online serial novel Unsong. Someday I want to get it published. But I want to fix it up before I try. I know publishers will have their own editors and their own demands. But I want something I'm happy with before I give it to someone else to tear apart.
This post is to solicit feedback on what needs improvement and how it could be improved. I'm going to list some of my thoughts below. All of these are really spoiler-y. If you haven't read Unsong yet, you may not want to read further. If you have read it, I welcome your input.
Simple Issues I've Already Kind Of Decided But Would Welcome Feedback On Anyway
1. I equivocate between the terms "Unitarians" and "Singers" pretty frequently, and it takes a bit of a stretch to establish everyone as Unitarians. Plan to excise the Unitarian plotline and just call that whole group of people "Singers" permanently.
2. Probably will delete Chapter 17, "No Earthly Parents I Confess" with the mythological birth of the Comet King, in favor of having the Comet King offhandedly mention his birth in Chapter 29, "Who Respects The Infant's Faith" (which he basically already does). I feel like Chapter 17 is a bit out of character for the rest of the book, and we don't really need to know anything about the Comet King's birth except that he was born of Comet West. I'm kind of sad I have to delete Comet West's speech, Aaron's digression on the word "maiden", and the cosmic significance of Roe v. Wade, but maybe I can shoehorn some of that in elsewhere (any suggestions?)
3. Probably will drop "the Harmonious Jade Dragon Empire" as a random gag when referring to China. More people were confused than amused, and the benefit from gagginess is probably lower than risk of being accused of racism or Orientalism or something. But then do I keep the story in Interlude Chet where someone golem-izes the Terracotta Army, or do I nix that as plot irrelevant?