Courtney Ann Irby, "Guiding God's Marriage: Faith and Social Change in Premarital Counseling" (NYU Press, 2024)
Sep 27, 2024
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Courtney Ann Irby, an author and researcher at the intersection of faith and marriage preparation, delves into the intricacies of premarital counseling in Christian communities. She discusses how religious institutions have adapted to the evolving landscape of marriage, highlighting the balance between individualism and community. Irby contrasts the approaches of Catholic and evangelical Protestant groups, emphasizing their unique impacts on couples. The conversation also explores the emotional complexities of marriage and the influence of financial values on relationships.
The podcast highlights the evolving role of religious institutions in premarital counseling, addressing the tension between individualism and community in relationships.
Covenant rhetoric is emphasized as central to how faith communities define marriage, focusing on commitment and emotional labor for success.
Significant disparities exist between Catholic and evangelical premarital counseling approaches, impacting the topics discussed and the overall focus of the sessions.
Deep dives
Exploring Premarital Counseling's Role in Modern Relationships
Premarital counseling has become a common practice among engaged couples, with nearly half of Americans having participated in such sessions at some point. This counseling is often conducted by religious clergy and aims to prepare couples for the institution of marriage amidst changing societal norms. The focus is not merely on compliance but rather on navigating the emotional complexities of transitioning from dating to marriage. This stage of relationship development is crucial for setting the foundation for couples, guiding them to understand and articulate their expectations as they move into married life.
Covenant Rhetoric and Emotional Frameworks
Covenant rhetoric emerges as a defining element in how religious communities frame marriage, intertwining spiritual and emotional expectations. This discourse seeks to distinguish religious marriage from secular concepts by emphasizing commitment and service to one another through shared values. Participants are encouraged to view the challenges of marriage as a need for emotional work to maintain their relationship, thus shaping how partners define their roles in a godly marriage. Emotional socialization, which is emphasized in counseling sessions, plays a significant role in preparing couples to manage feelings and expectations about their partnership.
Differences in Counseling Approaches by Tradition
While both Catholic and evangelical partners participate in premarital counseling, their approaches reflect underlying cultural and doctrinal differences. Catholics may engage in marriage preparation as a religious educational requirement before receiving the sacrament, creating a framework centered around sacramental theology. In contrast, evangelicals often view premarital counseling as therapeutic, emphasizing individual relationship trajectories and personal development. This distinction influences the content discussed in sessions, with evangelicals more likely to address topics such as sexual intimacy and individual emotional management, while Catholics may place a greater focus on budgeting and financial planning.
Navigating Differences and Emotional Expectations
Participants in premarital counseling learn that recognizing and navigating differences is essential for a successful marriage. These sessions encourage couples to openly discuss their backgrounds, family norms, and expectations, helping them address unspoken differences that could lead to conflict. The emphasis on emotional intelligence means that couples are guided to identify their feelings and those of their partners, fostering communication skills that serve their relationship during challenging times. However, while gender differences are acknowledged, they are often sidelined in favor of more personalized and individualized approaches to conflict and communication.
What Premarital Counseling Often Overlooks
Despite the focus on emotional socialization and individual relationship skills, there are notable gaps in the counseling curriculum. Many programs fail to address the broader societal pressures and structural changes that influence marriage, such as economic factors, work-life balance, and gender dynamics in contemporary relationships. Consequently, couples may leave sessions equipped with emotional insights, yet unprepared to confront external realities that could impact their marriage. This highlights the potential need for integrating discussions about financial management, time management, and the legal implications of marriage into the counseling framework, allowing couples to engage with the full spectrum of marriage preparation.
It is well-known that the institution of marriage has changed dramatically in the past few decades. However, very little research has focused on the role of religious institutions in helping couples form and maintain their relationships.
Guiding God's Marriage: Faith and Social Change in Premarital Counseling (NYU Press, 2024) by Dr. Courtney Irby offers an examination of Christian marriage preparation programs, exploring their efforts to stabilise the institution of marriage and highlighting the tension between individualism and community in people’s relational lives. Marriage preparation programs offer a useful lens through which to trace shifts in both religious and family institutions because they set out clear and intentional articulations of marriage ideologies and gendered relationship scripts by faith communities. By documenting the changes in content and practices of Christian premarital education along with its advice regarding what makes a good marriage, the book charts the ways that religious communities have been transformed by and have helped to contribute to the individualization of faith and relationships.
Featuring archival research as well as first hand observations of four marriage preparation courses—two Protestant and two Catholic—along with seventy interviews with participating couples and leaders of these and other programs, the book offers a rare view of visions about how to realise a successful and faith-filled relationship. This examination of marriage classes offers key insight into how religious communities have responded to cultural changes in marriage, gender, sexuality, and intimacy.
This interview was conducted by Dr. Miranda Melcher whose new book focuses on post-conflict military integration, understanding treaty negotiation and implementation in civil war contexts, with qualitative analysis of the Angolan and Mozambican civil wars.