Relationship coach Matthew Fray joins Eve and Aditi in this episode to discuss the challenges in marriages and relationships. They talk about tiny betrayals, the impact of stress on behavior, understanding the complexities of a marriage, shifting blame to systemic issues, and the significance of taking a time out. They also emphasize the importance of open communication, trust, respect, and addressing societal ideas about gender roles in relationships.
The unequal division of parental leave and domestic responsibilities can lead to feelings of betrayal and resentment in relationships.
Small acts, known as 'tiny betrayals,' can erode trust and create resentment over time, emphasizing the need for open communication and accountability in relationships.
Deep dives
The impact of unequal parental leave
The podcast episode highlights the unequal division of parental leave between a married couple. The speaker, Eve, shares her personal story of feeling betrayed when her husband had significantly less paternity leave than she did. She discusses the societal pressures and expectations placed on women after childbirth and how they contribute to the divide in parenting responsibilities. Eve emphasizes the need for shared domestic responsibility and the importance of acknowledging and addressing these issues early in a relationship.
Unpacking the presenting problem: Tiny betrayals
The episode delves into the concept of 'tiny betrayals' within relationships. Matthew, a relationship coach, shares his own experience of a seemingly insignificant incident involving a dish left by the sink that ultimately led to the breakdown of his marriage. Matthew explores the idea that these small acts can erode trust and create resentment over time. The discussion focuses on the importance of open communication, accountability, and avoiding leaving evidence that undermines a partner's feeling of being loved, cared for, and respected.
The impact of accidental sexism
The podcast addresses the issue of accidental sexism within relationships. It recognizes that societal norms and expectations often shape the division of domestic responsibilities, leading to men abdicating their role in shared household tasks and parenting. Matthew discusses his own experience of being unaware of the impact of his actions and the importance of recognizing and challenging these ingrained beliefs. The conversation highlights the need for systemic change in challenging traditional gender roles and actively involving men in shared domestic responsibility.
Taking a time out to reflect
The episode encourages listeners to reflect on their own experiences of feeling betrayed and unrecognized in their relationships. It urges individuals to explore their personal moments of tiny betrayals by writing in a time out journal. The exercise involves identifying situations where they did not feel seen, heard, understood, or loved, and considering the underlying issues and emotions involved. By acknowledging and reflecting on these experiences, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of the impact of their actions and work towards building healthier, more equitable relationships.
In the first episode of Time Out, Eve and Aditi begin to unpack why it's so difficult for women to value and guard their own time, rather than to give it all away to others—and how the presenting problem (forgetting to put blueberries on a grocery list) is rarely the actual problem (a lack of mutual respect and trust between partners). Eve and Aditi share the tiny betrayals that kickstarted their Fair Play journeys. They are joined by relationship coach Matthew Fray, who went viral for his article "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink" and shares his ‘in hindsight’ advice for getting it right. To learn more about Matthew, visit mustbethistalltoride.com/.