Genuine Curiosity: Not All Questions Are Equal – Are You Trying to Understand, Defend, Manipulate, or Control?

Are you truly being curious—or just trying to win the argument? Tony explores the difference between genuine curiosity and performative questions, sharing real-life examples and tools to help you respond with emotional maturity, not reactivity. Learn how curiosity can transform your relationships.

00:00 Introduction and Host Background

01:42 Understanding Performative vs. Genuine Curiosity

02:04 A Personal Story About Curiosity

08:50 The Importance of Genuine Curiosity in Relationships

19:10 Self-Regulation and Emotional Maturity

24:18 Promoting Genuine Curiosity in Parenting

26:17 The Role of Humility in Curiosity

29:41 Healthy Ego vs. Defensive Narcissism

35:03 The Neuroscience of Decision Making and Emotions

37:06 The Power of Slowing Down

37:36 Understanding Emotions: Primary, Secondary, and Instrumental

41:02 Exploring Anger in Relationships

42:48 Trusting Your Gut and Emotional Reasoning

45:41 Addressing Men's Emotional Immaturity

48:55 Real-Life Examples of Genuine Curiosity

53:42 Parenting with Curiosity

55:09 Curiosity in Marriage and Workplace

59:47 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Tools

01:02:15 Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation

01:05:20 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.

And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.