Can Worry Actually Work for You to Parent with Purpose?

In this episode of the LGA Lighthouse Podcast, host Tim Yeung speaks with psychotherapist and author Dr. Dana Dorfman about her book, When Worry Works: How to Harness Your Parenting Stress and Guide Your Teen to Success. They discuss how parents, especially those in successful family enterprises, can transform their achievement-driven anxiety into intentional, values-based parenting.

-Awareness Is the First Step: Dr. Dorfman emphasizes that effective parenting starts with a parent's self-awareness. It's crucial for parents to recognize how their anxiety manifests physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. By noticing these internal cues and the "catchphrases" they tend to use such as "I'm a failure" or "They never listen" parents can catch themselves before their anxiety drives their actions.

-Values as a Compass: Values are not just words on a wall; they are a compass for decision-making. Dr. Dorfman advises parents to identify their core values and use them as an affirmative guide for their actions and communication. When decisions are grounded in values like empathy or curiosity, rather than anxiety, they feel more authentic and purposeful. This approach helps parents move beyond simply reacting to problems and toward proactively shaping the family's culture.

-Building Self-Efficacy, Not Just Achievement: The conversation also touches on the challenge of raising children in successful families, where inherited wealth can sometimes lead to a diminished sense of self-worth and purpose. Dr. Dorfman argues that the goal isn't to remove all struggle, but to provide the "right kind of challenge" that builds competence and confidence. By creating opportunities for children to experience mastery and ownership, even in seemingly small ways, parents can help them develop a strong identity rooted in their own self-efficacy, not just in their family's legacy.