Gretchen Sisson, the author of 'Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood,' shares her expertise on the often overlooked experiences of birth parents in adoption. She discusses the complexities of open adoptions and the emotional weight carried by birth mothers. The conversation challenges societal narratives that dictate who deserves to be a parent, diving into the legal hurdles surrounding open adoptions and the societal perceptions influencing these decisions. It’s a thought-provoking exploration of grief, choice, and the politics of motherhood.
Adoptees often experience a complex emotional landscape, feeling both gratitude for their families and loss from their origins.
Popular culture simplifies adoption narratives, failing to capture the ongoing emotional challenges faced by birth parents and adoptees.
Deep dives
The Complexity of the Adoptee Experience
The adoptee experience is multifaceted and often characterized by a mix of gratitude and resentment. Many adoptees feel thankful for being provided a family but simultaneously struggle with the circumstances that led to their adoption, recognizing it as rooted in loss. The concept of 'coming out of the fog' highlights this conflicting emotional landscape as adoptees confront their complex feelings toward their identity and family relationships. This dynamic illustrates the need for a broader understanding of adoption, moving beyond simplistic narratives associated with successful placements.
Cultural Narratives and Adoption Portrayals
Popular culture significantly shapes the narratives surrounding adoption, often presenting an overly simplistic 'happy ending' that doesn't reflect the reality faced by many. Films like 'Juno' propagate the notion that birth mothers can simply move on without ongoing emotional repercussions, a portrayal rejected by many relinquishing mothers. In contrast, television shows like '16 and Pregnant' have begun to showcase open adoption, revealing the complexities and emotional challenges faced by both birth parents and adoptive families. These portrayals highlight the discrepancies between societal expectations and the lived experiences of birth parents, who often desire a connection with the children they placed for adoption.
Public Investment in Adoption vs. Support for Families
Significant public funding is dedicated to promoting adoption, often framed as a solution to support families facing crises like unplanned pregnancies. Politicians across the spectrum advocate for adoption, viewing it as a neater alternative to addressing deeper societal issues such as poverty and inequality. However, adopting this approach can obscure the complexities of parental worthiness, particularly as it often equates financial stability with the capability to parent. The adoption system, therefore, risks commodifying children while failing to invest in resources that would better support vulnerable families, highlighting an urgent need to rethink how society approaches parenting and family assistance.
Our culture loves to celebrate adoption stories - and a lot of state governments put millions into promoting it. But adoptees and birth parents are opening up online about "coming out of the fog" - a term for becoming more openly critical of adoption, or facing the grief within their adoption stories.
November is National Adoption Month, and Brittany Luse takes a closer look at how adoption functions in our culture by examining the supply side of adoption - the birth parents. She's joined by Gretchen Sisson, the author of Relinquished: the Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood. They dive deep into the stories told about birth parents, and how our culture decides who deserves to be a parent.