Top 10 Revisited

Jeff sat down with Jonathan McKee and recorded this conversation in February 2019. Originally released as Episodes 59 & 60, this conversation is being revisited as part of our Throwback Winter Series.

Jonathan McKee

With over 20 years youth ministry experience, Jonathan speaks to parents and leaders worldwide. He's the author of over twenty books including the brand new THE TEEN'S GUIDE TO SOCIAL MEDIA & MOBILE DEVICES and IF I HAD A PARENTING DO OVER. Jonathan, his wife, Lori, and their three kids live in California and he resources parents with ongoing resources at TheSource4Parents.com.

Conversation Notes

The research is clear, parents overwhelmingly look back and say "I wish I had spent more time with my kids"
Song: Cats In The Cradle-Harry Chapin
The YES Factor – no matter what, if my kids came to me to ask "Hey dad, will you do this?", the answer would be YES.
Overreaction is never the answer. Be careful with saying to yourself, "I've got this".
James 1:19 – quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry
Hit the "Pause Button" and take time before responding. After giving your kid time to cool off, ask them what they think the consequence should be
It was me messing up that gave me the insight to do it right the next time
"Angry outbursts teach our kids I can't go to mom, she'll freak out or dad isn't safe. Consider the ramifications of that feeling. If mom or dad isn't safe, then who will our kids run to for comfort, for advice and for admiration."
The most important thing I tell parents when they begin learning about culture and media is "Don't Freak Out".
Boundary Fast >> don't add boundaries, but instead begin the process by working on bonding. We must bond before we can add boundaries
The Segue – the dissolve from one thing to another. We must slowly fade back on our boundaries as our kids grow older. Kids need clear boundaries, but those boundaries must pull back as they approach leaving the home and deciding for themselves.
We need to look for opportunities for our kids to practice making decisions for themselves.
MORE INFO: Free resource from Jonathan McKee: Answering 30 top questions from today's parents

Common Sense Media has a study from 2015 >> teenagers average 9 hours per day of media consumption
In 2012 Americans crossed the 50% mark for smart phone owners
12-17 year olds… 89% of them have a smart phone
We Listen to Music For More Than 4 1/2 Hours A Day, Nielsen Says – more info
Adults average 10 hours and 45 minutes per day on media
Parents spend more time looking at a screen than talking with their kids or their spouse
Anxiety, depression and teen suicide… Mental health is taking a dive and all the studies are saying that smart phones are playing a big part and self-esteem is at an all-time low
The more time you spend on your device and especially social media, the more depressed you will be
The average kid gets a smartphone at 10.3 years old
Instagram and Snapchat only allows kids 13 years old or older (COPA privacy law)
Free resource from Jonathan McKee: Answering 30 top questions from today's parents
No mater how many parent controls you have, you can't block everything.
The best parental control is conversations with your kids
Guide for parental controls from Common Sense Media
How do we start having conversations and teaching truth in this world of lies?
If we teach our kids truth, it's going to equip them when they are exposed to the world's lies.
Three Types of Parents: (Alexandra Samuels study with 10,000 parents)

- Limiter
- Enablers
- Media Mentors

Jonathan's Featured Books:

The Teen's Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices 21 Tips to Wise Posting in an Insecure World

If I Had a Parenting Do-Over: 7 Vital Changes I'd Make

The Mix Room E55: Kalevala Studios