97. The Surprising Benefits of Not Sleeping with Your Spouse—and Other Lesser Known Truths about Marriage: Rabbi Manis Friedman

This episode is about how thinking about and doing things differently from the norm when it comes to marriage and relationships is what ultimately allows you to succeed in love.

I came across an article the other day that was entitled “Covid quarantine confirmed that sleeping in separate beds is the best thing for my marriage,” by Judi Ketteler. And upon reading this, in addition to thinking about my own marriage, I thought about my conversation in December 2019 with Rabbi Manis Friedman —bc in that episode he said that it’s actually “insulting” to sleep in the same bed with one’s spouse. So with that in mind I invited Rabbi Friedman back on to talk about not just the surprising benefits of not sleeping w one’s spouse but the benefits of embracing a mindset about marriage that differs radically from the norm.

Rabbi Friedman is an internationally sought after speaker, author and expert on the topics of love, marriage, intimacy and parenting. He has appeared on CNN, PBS, and BBC Worldwide, and has been the subject of articles in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Seventeen and others. He’s the author of Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore? and The Art of Intimacy, which we will talk w him about as well.

Rabbi Friedman’s website is itsgoodtoknow.org.

IN THIS EPISODE:

5:45  What is intimacy and how is it different from sex?

9:45  Casual sex vs. sex in a committed relationship/marriage

10:45  Sex as a “performance” often falls short of expectations

11:20  Sex in a marriage isn’t always intimate

12:25  If you want to have an intimate relationship, make sure the lights are off

14:35  The average couple has sex once a month

15:40  The only way to not be alone in the world is through marriage

17:40  Sex and love ruin marriage

18:45  People used to stay married longer because they could admit they need each other

22:20  Don’t get married if you “need” something

22:40  Why are divorce rates so much lower in the orthodox Jewish community?

23:10  Why is sleeping apart good for marriage?

27:00  Why is sex better when you sleep apart?

32:40  Why marry?