In this episode of Dharma Lab, we explore the neuroscience and contemplative practice of what it means to truly give.
Recorded in the middle of the holiday season, our conversation begins with a familiar arc many of us recognize: the childhood excitement of receiving, and the gradual (and sometimes surprising) shift toward the deeper satisfaction of giving. Together, we explore what’s really happening beneath that shift, psychologically, biologically, and experientially.
Drawing on neuroscience, Buddhist contemplative traditions, and lived experience, we discuss:
* Why giving leads to more sustained well-being than receiving
* How generosity cultivates an inner sense of abundance rather than scarcity
* What the brain reveals about extraordinary altruists, and their ability to detect suffering
* How generosity is a trainable capacity
* How small, everyday acts — including giving your full attention — can become powerful micro-practices
Discussion Highlights
From Getting to Giving
As we grow older, the thrill of receiving often fades, while the joy of giving deepens. Neuroscience helps explain why: the brain rapidly adapts to getting what we want, returning us to baseline, while the “warm glow” of giving tends to linger.
Giving and the Brain
Across many studies, people instructed to spend money on others consistently report greater and longer-lasting increases in happiness than those who spend the same amount on themselves. We also discuss how our brains are prediction machines, and receiving tends to meet expectations and quickly normalizes; whereas giving often involves situations with a higher discrepancy between what you predict and what actually happens.
Extraordinary Altruists and the Detection of Suffering
We explore research on “extraordinary altruists” — people who donate a kidney to a stranger — who show heightened sensitivity in brain systems involved in detecting suffering. Compassion, it turns out, may begin less with moral reasoning and more with perception.
In contrast, psychopathy appears to involve reduced sensitivity to others’ suffering — not necessarily cruelty, but a kind of blindness. This comparison reframes generosity not as virtue versus vice, but as a capacity that exists along a spectrum and can be cultivated.
Generosity as an Inner State
In Buddhist psychology, generosity is defined less by outward action than by an inner sense of abundance. Fixation on getting reinforces scarcity; giving evokes the feeling that there is enough to share. That inner shift may be one reason generosity is so nourishing.
The Gift of Attention
One of the simplest and most powerful forms of giving is attention. Putting the phone away. Listening without planning a response. Being fully present, even briefly. Attention communicates care — and people feel it as a gift.
Micro-Practices of Giving
Generosity doesn’t require dramatic acts. We explore small, repeatable practices: doing routine tasks as acts of service, offering presence in everyday interactions, reframing ordinary moments as opportunities to give. Over time, these micro-practices can turn generosity from a fleeting state into a stable trait.
Counterintuitive Practices: Tonglen
We also discuss tonglen, the Tibetan practice of breathing in others’ suffering and breathing out care. Though counterintuitive, practitioners often report feeling stronger, less fearful, and more abundant. Rather than depleting us, generosity appears to dissolve deep fears of inner poverty.
Flourishing Is Contagious
When we cultivate generosity — even briefly — it changes how we show up. Those changes ripple outward, influencing relationships, families, and communities. As we like to say: flourishing is infectious.
A Simple Invitation
Rather than asking how much you can give, we invite a quieter question:
Where can generosity enter your day — through attention, presence, or small acts of care?
Warmly,Cort & Richie
Podcast Chapter List
00:00 – Opening reflections: from receiving to giving01:45 – Childhood memories and the holiday shift toward generosity03:15 – Why giving feels more nourishing than getting05:10 – Abundance vs. scarcity as inner states07:00 – Giving as a contemplative practice09:10 – Flourishing is contagious11:00 – Micro-practices and everyday generosity12:40 – Attention as a gift14:20 – Research on giving and sustained well-being17:00 – A personal story of generosity and the “warm glow”20:00 – Prediction, expectation, and why pleasure fades22:15 – Tonglen: the counterintuitive power of giving25:30 – Detecting suffering and compassion27:00 – Extraordinary altruists and amygdala sensitivity29:30 – Psychopathy, blindness to suffering, and compassion32:00 – Plasticity: generosity as a trainable capacity34:30 – Compassion without overwhelm37:00 – Rituals of giving in daily life39:30 – Imagination and generosity practices 41:30 – Dedication and carrying generosity into the world42:30 – Closing reflections
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