Come As You Are Summary: The Science of Female Sexual Desire by Emily Nagoski

Dec 30, 2025

Explore the science of female sexual desire with insights that challenge societal myths. Discover the difference between responsive and spontaneous desire, and how context influences arousal. Learn about the dual control model that includes both sexual accelerators and brakes. Understand the concept of arousal non-concordance and why it's normal. Gain practical steps to enhance your sex life, emphasizing self-acceptance over conformity. Empower yourself with knowledge that celebrates diverse female sexuality!

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INSIGHT

Dual Control Explains Female Arousal

Sexual response uses two systems: an accelerator for turn-ons and a brake for turn-offs.
For many women the brake is highly sensitive, so releasing brakes, not pushing accelerators, restores arousal.

INSIGHT

Desire Often Responds, Not Precedes

Most women experience responsive desire that emerges from pleasure rather than spontaneously.
Waiting for spontaneous desire can create shame, whereas creating pleasurable conditions lets desire arise.

INSIGHT

Context Determines Sexual Readiness

Context—internal and external—shapes sexual response far more than technique alone.
Emotional safety and reduced stress create crucial accelerators for desire.

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What if everything you've been taught about female sexuality is based on the wrong model? Discover the science that will transform how you think about sex, desire, and your own body.

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Come As You Are Summary: The Science of Female Sexual Desire by Emily Nagoski

Introduction

For decades, women have been told their sexuality should look a certain way—spontaneous, effortless, and always ready. When reality doesn't match this idealized picture, many feel broken or ashamed. But what if the problem isn't you? What if it's the model?

Dr. Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and researcher, dismantles myths about female sexuality with cutting-edge science and compassion. She reveals that sexual wellbeing comes from understanding your unique body and mind, not conforming to external standards. Whether struggling with low libido or simply wanting to understand female arousal better, this book offers evidence-based insights that can change everything.

Who This Book Is For

This book speaks directly to women experiencing low desire, difficulty with arousal, or frustration about their sex lives. It's for partners seeking to understand female sexuality beyond stereotypes. It's for anyone who's felt broken because their sexuality doesn't match cultural narratives. If you've ever wondered why desire fades in relationships, why context matters more than technique, or why your body doesn't always cooperate with your mind, this book offers answers grounded in research, not shame.

About Emily Nagoski

Dr. Emily Nagoski holds a PhD in health behavior and is a certified sex educator. She has taught human sexuality at the University of Delaware and worked as a sex educator for over a decade. Her research focuses on sexual health, pleasure, and the science of desire. She's recognized internationally for making sexual science accessible and shame-free. Her work has been featured in major media outlets and has helped thousands of women understand their sexuality.

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