Walking the Costly Road with Joy: A Conversation on Celibacy, Faith, and Inclusion - w/ Tyler Chernesky

Oct 22, 2018

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What happens when someone experiences both the unmovable conviction of their faith and the deep challenge of being queer in the American church? This powerful and vulnerable conversation opens up a path rarely discussed with grace and clarity. Mike Erre welcomes Tyler Chernesky, a pastor from Kansas City and a gay follower of Jesus who has chosen celibacy, to share his story of adoption, calling, identity, and the tension between loneliness and joy.

Listeners will hear a deeply human and hopeful reflection on what modern discipleship can look like when it's grounded in both solid biblical conviction and a radically inclusive love. Tyler talks about being raised in a Bible-believing community, discovering he was gay during adolescence, and wrestling with the sense that his life didn’t fit the mold of Christian ideals he saw around him. Yet through honest friendships, intentional community, and surrendered faith, Tyler has embraced a life of joyful, self-denying discipleship that calls the church to rethink not only LGBTQ+ inclusion, but the broader treatment of single people, friendship, and what we define as “the good life.”

Key Takeaways: • Adopted, Loved, and Called – Tyler shares his journey from being adopted into a loving Christian family to discovering a calling to pastor. • Growing Up Gay in the Church – Navigating silence, shame, and Christian messaging about sexuality as a teenager wrestling with identity. • The Myth of Marriage as Fulfillment – Why the idol of marriage in church culture can marginalize both LGBTQ+ people and single Christians more broadly. • Following Jesus as a Celibate Gay Man – How Tyler lives into his conviction around a traditional sexual ethic while still embracing joy, intimacy, and purpose. • The Church’s Missing Voice – Why single pastors are necessary, how churches overlook single people, and what it looks like to create inclusive spiritual communities. • Joy as Apologetic – Tyler shares how joy, not anger or bitterness, is his strongest witness to the goodness of the gospel.

Guest Highlight: Tyler Chernesky – Pastor, artist, and thought-leader based in Kansas City. Tyler’s story challenges assumptions and extends hope to anyone struggling to hold faith and identity in tension. His mixture of sharp humor, deep pastoral care, and rigorous faith practice makes this a must-hear episode for anyone navigating spiritual complexity.

Resources Mentioned: • Velvet Rage by Alan Downs – A psychological exploration of shame and identity for gay men. • Eric Klinenberg's research on the rise of people living alone. • 1 Corinthians 7 – Paul’s writings on singleness and celibacy. • Timothy John Stafford's Music – timothyjohnstafford.com • Tyler on Twitter: @tylerchernesky

Join us in reimagining what the church can be for single people, LGBTQ+ believers, and all those walking difficult paths of discipleship. Subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and keep the conversation going on social media.

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Music in this episode by Timothy John Stafford

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