20: Let Grown Folks Do What They Want (with Evita Lavitaloca Sawyers)
Oct 25, 2021
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Evita Lavitaloca Sawyers, a content creator and critic of the polyamorous community, discusses her backstory, polyamory origin story, and critiques of the community. They also talk about the challenges of being an artist in a space driven by likes and the importance of diverse voices in the polyamorous community.
Polyamory origin story and the journey of embracing non-monogamy after leaving a strict religious environment.
Creating relatable and critical content in the polyamory community to help others navigate non-monogamy and question societal norms.
Emphasizing the importance of diverse voices and individual autonomy in polyamorous relationships, while promoting compassion and self-advocacy.
Deep dives
The Journey to Polyamory
The guest, Ibita Soyers, shares her journey to polyamory. She grew up in a traditional black family with religious influences. She questioned societal norms around sex and relationships from a young age. Her queer identity was suppressed due to religious beliefs. She joined a fundamentalist church where she felt intense sexual shame. After leaving the church, she began exploring her queer identity, which led her to non-monogamy. She experienced swinging and eventually entered a volatile triad relationship. The relationship ended, and she and her husband embraced open non-monogamy, dating independently. She learned to prioritize her own needs and growth throughout her non-monogamous journey.
Creating Realistic Content
The guest discusses her content creation around polyamory. She recognized a lack of honest and relatable content within the polyamory community. She decided to share her struggles and process openly on social media. By talking about her challenges and personal growth, she aimed to help others feel less alone and navigate non-monogamy more effectively. Her content focuses on critical analysis and examining the impulses and emotions that arise in non-monogamous relationships. She encourages self-advocacy and invites individuals to question societal norms and explore alternative perspectives on love and relationships.
The Importance of Variety in Voices
Both hosts acknowledge the importance of diverse voices in the polyamory community. They emphasize that no single perspective or approach is the right one. Each person's experience and journey are valid and valuable. They highlight that different content creators serve different purposes within the community, catering to different needs and resonating with different individuals. The guest and host strive to create content that invites critical analysis, expands the narrative on relationships, and provides a realistic depiction of non-monogamy. They aim to support individuals in finding their own path and making empowered choices.
Importance of Allowing Individual Autonomy
It is important in polyamorous relationships to allow individuals to make their own choices and customize their relationships according to their needs and desires. While there may be certain behaviors that are harmful and need addressing, it is not our place to dictate how others should conduct their relationships. Each person should be honest and upfront about their expectations and find partners who are consensual and in alignment with their desires. Gatekeeping and enforcing certain relationship structures can limit individual autonomy.
Navigating Criticisms and Judgment
In the polyamory community, there can be a lack of compassion and empathy when it comes to differing perspectives and experiences. People may react strongly based on their own traumas and past negative experiences. It is important to remember that everyone has their own unique journey, and it is not our place to invalidate or impose our beliefs on others. While it is essential to address harmful behaviors, we should focus on our own self-advocacy, voice our own needs and boundaries, and respect that others have the freedom to navigate their relationships in ways that feel authentic for them.
In this interview we chat with @lavitaloca34 — she shares her backstory, the character arc of her life so far, her polyamory origin story, how she became a content creator, her critiques of the polyamorous community, and some deep wisdom that everyone needs to hear.
TIP US! 👇🏼
CashApp: $lavitaloca35
PayPal: easawyers24@yahoo.com
Venmo: Evita-Sawyers
Buy our book "Polyamory & Parenthood: Navigating Non-Monogamy as Parents of Young Children", available at www.remodeledlove.com and in print/Kindle on Amazon!