Do You Have a Positive Strategy for Gaslighting? with Dr. Robin Stern
Apr 23, 2021
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Dr. Robin Stern, co-founder of the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence, discusses gaslighting in the workplace. She explains what gaslighting is, provides examples of its impact, and shares positive strategies to address it. Gaslighting chips away confidence, and she highlights signs to look out for and motivations behind gaslighting.
Gaslighting in the workplace can involve constant changes in assignments and creating a narrative that undermines the target's competence or worthiness.
Recognizing signs of gaslighting, such as constantly second-guessing oneself and feeling confused, is crucial to understanding and addressing gaslighting.
Deep dives
Gaslighting: Manipulation and Psychological Abuse
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological abuse where the gaslighter, usually in a position of power, sows seeds of doubt in their target's perception of reality. It is intended to make the person question their own perceptions, reality, and even their character. Gaslighting can happen in various relationships, including intimate partner relationships, families, and even in the workplace. At work, gaslighting can involve constant changes in assignments, denying previous instructions, and creating a narrative that undermines the target's competence or worthiness. Gaslighting can have devastating effects on one's motivation, self-confidence, decision-making abilities, and mental well-being.
Recognizing Gaslighting: Signs and Phrases to Look Out For
Identifying gaslighting can be challenging, as the gaslighter often undermines the target's reality and causes them to question themselves. Common signs of gaslighting include constantly second-guessing oneself, feeling confused and crazy, apologizing excessively, feeling unhappy or alienated despite having a good job, making excuses for the gaslighter's behavior, and difficulty making decisions. Phrases commonly used by gaslighters include dismissing someone's concerns as being too sensitive, accusing them of overreacting or being paranoid, and deflecting blame onto the target. Recognizing these signs and phrases is crucial to understanding and addressing gaslighting.
Strategies for Dealing with Gaslighting
Dealing with gaslighting requires several strategies. First, naming and identifying gaslighting behavior is essential to taking steps to stop or address it. Writing down conversations or interactions can provide an objective perspective and help identify when conversations shift from addressing the matter at hand to attacking the person's character or reality. Regulating emotions and practicing self-compassion are also crucial in managing gaslighting situations. Learning to recognize and trust one's feelings, setting boundaries, and seeking support from trusted friends or family members can provide a reality check and help navigate gaslighting more effectively. Ultimately, focusing on maintaining integrity, controlling one's own behavior and reactions, and considering the possibility of leaving toxic relationships or environments may be necessary to protect one's well-being.
Dr. Robin Stern is the co-founder and associate director for the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence and an associate research scientist at the Child Study Centre at Yale. She is a licensed psychoanalyst with 30 years of experience treating individuals, couples, and families, and also does consulting work with schools both nationally and across the globe, as well as with large corporations, including Facebook and Google on best practice, practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into training, outreach, and product design.
In this week’s podcast, we explore what gaslighting is, how it can play out in our workplaces, and positive strategies we can employ when faced with it.
Thanks so much for joining me again this week. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of this post.
You can also listen to all the episodes of Making Positive Psychology Work streamed directly to your smartphone or iPad through stitcher. No need for downloading or syncing.
Until next time, take care! Thank you, Robin!
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