Ways We Sabotage Connection with our Adult Children

Dec 12, 2025

Dr. Francine Toder, a clinical psychologist and author of 'Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0', explores the challenges of connecting with adult children. She discusses how generational shifts have changed parenting roles, emphasizing the need for empathy and adult-to-adult communication. Dr. Toder highlights the importance of recognizing body signals during conversations and offers insights on managing financial support with clear expectations. This insightful dialogue encourages parents to foster egalitarian relationships while rediscovering their own identities.

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INSIGHT

Shift From Managing To Relating

Parenting 2.0 asks parents to shift from managing to relating with adult children and to evolve their role.
The aim is mutual, adult-to-adult connection rather than continued parental control.

INSIGHT

Body Signals Reveal Emotional Triggers

Physical tension in parents signals emotions like defensiveness or readiness to argue, not just worry.
Francine Toder calls this somatization and warns it's a cue to pause before engaging.

ADVICE

Lead With Empathy, Not Fixing

When your adult child shares pain, listen and offer empathy rather than fixing the problem.
Avoid 'yes-but' responses or immediate attempts to solve their issues.

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Ready to upgrade your relationship with your grown kids without losing yourself in the process?

We sit down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder author of the amazing book: "Your Kids are Grown: Parenting 2.O."

We unpack Parenting 2.0—the shift from managing to relating, from control to connection. If you’ve felt that knot in your stomach after a call, questioned whether your help is actually helpful, or wondered how to be close without being intrusive, this conversation offers a practical, hopeful roadmap.

We dive into the subtle habits that erode trust:

talking more than half the time, offering unsolicited advice
giving gifts with hidden strings—and how to replace them with adult-to-adult skills: empathy, permission-based feedback, and clear agreements.

Francine explains why tension can spike even after children are “launched,” how generational shifts created over-involvement, and why your body’s stress signals are a cue to pause, not push. We tackle money head-on, exploring when support fosters growth, how to set timelines and expectations, and how to recognize double messages that quietly sabotage connection.

If you’re ready to listen more, judge less, and build a relationship that feels mutual rather than parental, this episode will meet you where you are and show you the next step. Pick up Dr. Toder’s “Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0,” grab her Parenting 2.0 tip sheet, and join our community as we grow on purpose.

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Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

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