Ellen Bass — Bone of My Bone and Flesh of My Flesh
Dec 11, 2020
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Ellen Bass, a chancellor of the Academy of American Poets and a celebrated poet, brings her keen insights to the forefront. She explores the humor and complexity behind pet names, revealing how societal norms can limit our language of love. The conversation highlights the challenges of expressing deep emotions through everyday words, emphasizing the importance of affectionate language in nurturing relationships. Ellen’s reflections encourage listeners to rethink how they communicate affection and connect on a deeper level.
The podcast emphasizes the significance of affectionate nicknames, which convey deeper emotional connections beyond conventional terms like 'partner'.
It highlights how diverse cultural expressions of love through language can foster appreciation and acceptance of relationships outside traditional norms.
Deep dives
The Complexity of Naming Love
Referring to a partner in a meaningful way often presents a challenge, as common nouns such as 'husband' or 'wife' may lack the emotional depth needed to convey true affection. The speaker discusses the limitations of functional language, suggesting that terms like 'spouse' and 'partner' can feel sterile and impersonal. Instead, the speaker advocates for using a rich array of affectionate nicknames to highlight the uniqueness and significance of the relationship. This choice reflects a desire to express the complexities of love in language that resonates both publicly and privately.
The Power of Language in Relationships
The poem illustrates how language can serve both to affirm love and to challenge societal norms regarding partnership. It emphasizes that every interaction, whether with a partner or a stranger, holds the potential to spread warmth and affection through language. By suggesting that loving terms could brighten someone else's day, the speaker underlines the idea that love can be a universal language that transcends circumstances. This perspective invites listeners to reflect on the role of language in building connections, recognizing love both in individual relationships and within the broader context of society.
Cultural Variations in Terms of Endearment
The exploration of endearments across different languages highlights how love can be expressed in myriad ways, showcasing cultural richness and diversity. Examples such as 'my gazelle' in Arabic or 'my little cabbage' in French illustrate the playful and affectionate nature of language. This comparison encourages an appreciation for how different cultures articulate feelings, often using a mix of grandiose and humble terms. By celebrating these expressions, the poem advocates for a broader acceptance of love in all its forms, including those that may not fit traditional definitions or societal expectations.
What pet names have you been called? What are the circumstances and stories behind these pet names?
In this poem, a woman considers the pet names to give her female partner; “My beloved” isn’t very convenient when you’re dropping off dry cleaning. And what word to use when speaking of how she annoys you? Written in the time before same-sex marriage was legalized in the U.S., the humor of this poem highlights how policy can steal language from the everyday.
Ellen Bass is chancellor of the Academy of American Poets and teaches at Pacific University. Her poems regularly appear in The New Yorker, American Poetry Review, and many other journals. In 1973, she co-edited the first major anthology of women’s poetry, No More Masks! and in 1988 co-wrote The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Her most recent book is Indigo.