#091 - are you 'protecting your peace' or is it just avoidance in disguise?

Mar 24, 2025

Is protecting your peace a noble act or just clever avoidance? The host dives into the murky waters of self-sabotage disguised as empowerment, challenging the notion that solitude means strength. From the silent treatment as boundary-setting to using isolation as a badge of honor, these patterns subtly undermine true connection. The conversation encourages listeners to reflect on their own behaviors, exploring how avoidance masquerades as self-care and the impact of these choices on intimate relationships. It's time to confront, not evade!

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ANECDOTE

Silent Treatment as a Weapon

Africa Brooke used silent treatment as a weapon, learned from caregivers.
It created a false sense of peace but built resentment in her romantic relationships.

INSIGHT

Romantic Relationships as Mirrors

Romantic relationships act as mirrors, reflecting broader relationship patterns.
Parental, platonic, and career boundary issues manifest in romantic relationships.

ADVICE

Identify Avoidance

Identify where you use avoidance, labeling it as self-care or boundaries.
Be honest with yourself about using "protecting your peace" as a disguise.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways we convince ourselves we’re doing something noble - spiritual, even - when really, we’re just avoiding the thing that actually wants to set us free. Like last week, this conversation is personal. It’s present. And it’s pulled straight from the patterns I’ve had to face, and some I’m still facing, in real time. If you’re someone who’s ever thought or said ‘I’m just protecting my peace’ while secretly knowing that something deeper is going unaddressed, this episode is for you.

I asked a confronting question:
Are you protecting your peace, or is it just avoidance in disguise?

And I take us all through the 8 shadowy, often socially-acceptable ways avoidance hides in plain sight. I go into how we cloak it as boundaries, empowerment, self-care, independence, or emotional intelligence.

I speak about:

The silent treatment as a form of self-sabotage, masked as boundary-setting.
How we wear solitude like a badge of honour, when it’s actually isolation.
The self-betrayal of over-compromising and calling it “keeping the peace.”
The seductive nature of numbing through productivity, fitness, or “wellness.”
Avoiding commitment and calling it “empowered detachment.” LOL
How refusing accountability is often disguised as “not engaging in drama.”
Dodging difficult feedback under the guise of “protecting your energy.”
And the ultimate intimacy-killer: withdrawing emotionally and calling it space.

I loveddddd this one because I shared stories from my own life, including my past relationships, addiction, healing, and even the deeply internal narratives that still challenge me today. This episode is an invitation to look closely at the ways you might be calling something peace when it’s really just another way to avoid yourself, others, or 'the work'.

If you've been telling yourself, "I’m just protecting my peace", but it doesn’t feel peaceful in your body… this one is for you.

Let me know what lands.

Resources Mentioned:

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You can also connect with me directly over on Instagram, I'd love to continue the conversation with you - @africabrooke or you can email me (including if you have podcast episode requests) at hello@africabrooke.com with the subject line 'Beyond the Self'. I can't wait to hear from you!⁣⁣⁣⁣

PLEASE NOTE: I do not give advice in DM's, emails, or comments, but I'd love to hear your feedback and know what your lightbulb moments or breakthroughs were. It also lights me up when you tag me in the screenshots of you listening, do continue!