Helping Children and Teens to Develop the Concepts of Consent, Respect, Pleasure, and Safety in Relationships, Creating a Foundation for a Healthy Relationship with Sexuality

In this episode, I speak with Shafia about her path to becoming a health and sex educator. She discussed how she had worked in case management and social work with kids who were experiencing dual and triple diagnosis, and a common theme was having a history of being harmed. She decided she wanted to try to help increase the prevention of such harm, and was fortunate enough to work at a great school, Marin Academy, where they allowed her the resources to create an in depth class where she could help the kids process the foundational concepts related to relationships, being respect, dignity, safety and pleasure. After 25 years of teaching in many schools, Shafia wrote a book: ​Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between. We discussed her book, which is written to help parents and teens have conversations about consent, sex, their rights, and many other topics. We discussed her use of Emily Nagoski’s metaphor of the garden and deciding what to leave, what to take out, and who we’re going to let in to our sexual guardian, and the beliefs and feelings we have about sexuality and how we connect with others. She also shared a conversation she has with the students about how they would feel if the sat down with some French fries and everyone started grabbing them. This leads into conversations about consent, power, respect, and a whole host of other concepts. She also shared that it is very important for parents, as well as therapists, to think of their own relationship to sexuality, body image, relationships, gender, sexual orientation because these will influence how we respond in guiding teens. Shafia Zaloom is a health educator, parent, consultant and author whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics, and social justice. Her approach involves creating opportunities for students and teachers to discuss the complexities of teen culture and decision-making with straight-forward, open and honest dialogue. Shafia has worked with thousands of children and their families in her role as teacher, coach, administrator, board member, and outdoor educator. She has contributed articles to The New York Times, The Washington Post, and numerous parenting blogs. Shafia’s book, Sex, Teens and Everything in Between has been reviewed as “the ultimate relationship guide for teens of all orientations and identities.” It is one that “every teen, and every parent and educator - and every other adult who interacts with teens - should read.” Shafia is currently the health teacher at the Urban School in San Francisco, and develops curricula and trainings for schools across the country. She was honored by the San Francisco Giants Foundation in 2018 for her work with Aim High, a program that expands opportunities for students and their teachers through tuition-free summer learning enrichment, and was recently granted CAHPERD’s Health Teacher of the Year Award for 2021. Her work has been featured by many media outlets including, The New York Times, USA Today, NPR, KQED, and PBS.