Parkland School Shooting: A Mother’s Story of Loss and Grief (#221)

Aug 11, 2025

In a heartfelt conversation, Patricia Oliver, mother of Parkland shooting victim Joaquin Oliver, shares her journey from profound grief to powerful activism. As a co-founder of Change the Ref, she highlights the importance of creative advocacy in the fight against gun violence. Patricia recounts the emotional chaos of losing her son on Valentine's Day, the process of healing through connection, and her mission to push for legislative change. Her story is a poignant reminder of resilience, hope, and the need for meaningful dialogue in the face of tragedy.

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ANECDOTE

Refusing To Accept The News

Patricia Oliver kept the call to herself and waited, refusing to tell anyone.
She stayed in denial and searched checkpoints and hospitals until a friend confirmed Joaquin was a victim.

ANECDOTE

Different Grief Roles Between Partners

Patricia Oliver describes how Manuel threw himself into public activism while she coped more privately.
They balanced each other: his outward energy and her quieter, controlled presence formed a working partnership.

ANECDOTE

Founded 'Change The Ref' For Joaquin

Patricia Oliver and Manuel channeled grief into creating the Change the Ref foundation.
They named it after Joaquin's joke about replacing an unfair basketball referee.

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Patricia Oliver, mother of Joaquin “Guac” Oliver, joins David Ferrugio on the DEAD Talks Podcast to share her journey of grief, resilience, and advocacy after the Parkland school shooting. Patricia opens up about losing her son in the tragedy, transforming unimaginable pain into purpose, and building a legacy of change in his honor.

Through Change the Ref, the foundation inspired by Joaquin’s spirit, Patricia has turned grief into activism—using art, storytelling, and powerful campaigns to raise awareness about gun violence and support families facing the same heartbreak.

In this conversation, Patricia reflects on:

The day her world changed in Parkland
Messages and signs she’s received from Joaquin
How grief reshaped her life and identity
The spiritual healing that keeps her moving forward
Turning loss into activism through Change the Ref

This episode is a powerful reminder of how love, loss, and resilience can fuel lasting change.

Links to Patricia Oliver's work:

⁠Change The Ref⁠⁠

Lush Sonflower Bath Bomb Fund Raising⁠

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About DEAD Talks

DEAD Talks with David Ferrugio approaches death differently. Each guest shares raw stories of grief, loss, or unique perspectives that challenge the “don’t talk about death” taboo. Grief doesn’t end—it evolves. After losing his father on September 11th at just 12 years old, David discovered the power of conversation. Through laughter, tears, and honest dialogue, DEAD Talks helps make it a little easier to talk about death, mourning, trauma, and the life that continues beyond it.

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