201| The 6 Pillars of Intimacy | PART 1 (Tony DiLorenzo)

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  Tony DiLorenzo

 

Tony DiLorenzo is the Amazon bestselling author of 7 Days of Sex Challenge, Connect Like You Did When You First Met, and other books. Tony believe that the healthy combination of sex, love, and commitment is more than the foundation of a strong marriage… it’s the glue that will keep a marriage together.

Listen to his weekly podcast, ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show, at OneExtraordinaryMarriage.com, where nothing is off limits when it comes to the many aspects of marriage.

Tony has been married to his beautiful wife, Alisa, for 25 years and together they have a son and a daughter. He lives in San Diego, CA

  Show Notes

 

• https://dadawesome.org/tour/
• 4:57 - Rainbows and Unicorns - "Twenty fourth anniversary. She made a little post and she she just talked about, Hey, it was not all rainbows and unicorns. And she said, Hey, we didn't know how to be married. This is when you started. We didn't know how to communicate with each other. We didn't know how to make our relationship a priority. We didn't know how to juggle being parents and being spouses. We didn't know to be each other's lover and truly in those moments with one another. Basically, she goes on to say, we still don't know. So as the leaders of one extraordinary marriage, she she's she's goes public with it. We still don't know. We're learning, we're growing"
• 8:38 - "I truly want men around me who I can call at the drop of a hat and or text and just be like, Man, I need some prayer right now. I need somebody to talk to. Can we just go like once a month, just grab a coffee together? And I remember just praying that prayer in and it didn't happen like overnight."
• 11:07 - Taking that time and reading to them in bed.
• 13:55 - Walk and talks
• 15:37 - We schedule sex and that's been a habit we've been doing for 12 years now. Yeah. And that has kept our sexual intimacy on course from all those years. We came to an agreement 12 years ago that we wanted to have sex twice a week, and doing that has really created an ability for us to engage one another when it happens, which is great."
• 17:44 - We were never taught? Or does it teach us that we never saw it? So we're looking up to those around us mentors, parents, grandparents, whoever, and they never did it. So why would we?
• The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage
  • Emotional Intimacy This Pillar involves a closeness created through sharing each other's feelings, thoughts, and desires. This is both verbal and non-verbal communication. It’s more than just, “Can we talk?”
  • Physical Intimacy Think of this Pillar as every type of loving touch. This can be holding hands, a hug, a kiss, or even cuddling. You were designed to be touched. It's answering the question, "How do you like to be touched?"
  • Financial Intimacy This Pillar is the sharing of your financial situation. It's developing a plan for your finances, from how much you spend on date night, to joint accounts, to planning for retirement. This is more than, "We need to talk about the budget..."
  • Spiritual Intimacy Think of this Pillar as religious beliefs and observed religious practices. This can be as simple as praying together, going to church together, or discussing spiritual issues as a couple. This answers the question, "How are we spiritual together?"
  • Recreational Intimacy What you do together at home, or on dates, or just for fun, is what this Pillar is about. It's the plans the two of you make to spend time together, doing things you enjoy. When this is working, you don’t sit in the driveway playing the "What do you want to do?" game.
  • Sexual Intimacy This is the Pillar that encompasses everything about your sexual connection with your spouse. This can be romance, initiating, foreplay, and sexual intercourse. There’s no two ways about it: Sex is h-e-a-l-t-h-y. But this intimacy goes way beyond, "Hey, wanna have sex?"
• 22:55 - "But as a couple, you look at them together and go, which ones have cracks? Which ones are strong? And how do we continue to strive and go after the extraordinary we desire?"
• 23:57 - Emotional intimacy, obviously our verbal and nonverbal communication? How are we? How are we engaging our spouse? And so for many, it's just what we get. We get caught up in the day today. As dads, we get caught up in the day to day. Is the provider taking care of the yard? Maybe our toys, maybe wanting to go out to this or do that. But how are we really engaging our spouse? What are we doing on the regular that allows them to know that we're here and not just talk about laundry kid's work? I think that's the big thing,
• 25:46 - We use the app, the Voxer app, even though we could make a list and wait and talk about. And it's not just punch list of get the groceries or do this is actually lets me hear her tone and hear how is she doing, really? And then I can listen to that when I'm, you know, when I get done with this recording with you or is. So Voxer has been actually a tool that allows us to communicate more and to understand her heart.
• 26:15 - Walk and talk, but it could be a driving and dive. It could be a coffee chat, whatever that may be. That works for you guys.
• 27:07 - Physical Intimacy - "All your loving touches. This is not. This is does not mean sexual touch. This is like kisses holding hands. Hand on the knee, cuddling, hugging."
• 28:45 - (Jeff) These do apply around dads to kids, as well as husband to wife, because I mean, those first things. First of all, we already talked about, like my desire for all four of my daughters, is that I am intentional around putting my arm around and giving them that morning hug when they come down again, the hand on the knee that that emotionally they know that I want to connect and hear their heart and what makes them feel loved. And so. So we really can take this further than just our one extraordinary marriage,

 

Episode Links:

 

• The 6 Pillars of Intimacy: The Secret to an Extraordinary Marriage
• https://oneextraordinarymarriage.com/
• Tony's Podcast
• FATHERS FOR THE FATHERLESS
• Make a Donation to dadAWESOME
• Join the dadAWESOME Prayer Team
• https://dadawesome.org/tour/

 

Conversation Transcript

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