The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast CNLP 737 | Toxic Masculinity and the Church: Derwin Gray on Using Ministry to Heal Childhood Wounds, Lessons from the NFL, and The Challenge of Finding the Right Team
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Jun 24, 2025 Derwin Gray, co-founding pastor of Transformation Church and former NFL player, dives into the pressing issues of toxic masculinity within the church and sports culture. He reflects on his own childhood trauma and emphasizes the power of ministry in healing. Derwin also discusses the importance of finding the right team members in a growing church and promotes a new model of masculinity that values humility and service. His insights encourage redefining faith and leadership through love and authenticity.
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Toxic Masculinity Contradicts Jesus
- Toxic masculinity in church mimics bullying and bravado, which is opposed to Jesus' example.
- The true model of manhood reflects the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Playing Through Pain in NFL
- In the NFL, teammates often cussed harshly and treated injuries as weakness.
- Gray took painkillers just to practice and felt pressured to never show vulnerability for fear of losing team spot.
Football as an Escape and Fig Leaf
- Gray grew up in a dysfunctional family with substance abuse and trauma.
- Football became his escape and fig leaf to cover insecurities, though it only loved him while he performed well.
