Speaking of Psychology Why “boy" culture is creating a crisis of connection, with Niobe Way, PhD
Aug 27, 2025
Niobe Way, PhD, is a Professor of developmental psychology at NYU and the director of the Science of Human Connection Lab. In this conversation, she explores the decline of deep friendships among boys as they transition to adolescence. Way discusses the detrimental effects of 'boy culture,' emphasizing emotional intelligence and the need for boys to express their feelings. She introduces the idea of 'listening with curiosity' as a crucial tool for fostering stronger connections and combatting loneliness, and shares insights on the unique experiences of boys and men of color.
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Boy Culture Is A Learned Stereotype
- 'Boy' culture is a taught stereotype that values only the hard side of boys and devalues emotional capacities.
- Niobe Way links that cultural stereotype to severe harms including suicide and violence among boys and men.
Adolescence Shrinks Boys' Friendships
- Boys show deep relational intelligence in early adolescence but disconnect as cultural pressures push them to 'man up.'
- That developmental separation reduces friendships and harms mental health.
Thinking Vs Feeling Is A Harmful Divide
- Culture has gendered thinking and feeling, privileging 'hard' skills over relational ones and treating soft skills as feminine.
- This harms boys and everyone else by narrowing acceptable human capacities.
