SBG 113: Spring Breakers

If you’ve always wanted to watch the poly lesbian cinematic lovechild of 8 Mile and Thelma and Louise, have we got a movie for you.

This week, Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida) hang out to discuss why 2012 deep cut, Spring Breakers, Should’ve Been Gay. If you haven’t seen A24’s artsy crime thriller, just imagine MTV’s Spring Break and Girls Gone Wild on acid and then add Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and the most hideous version of James Franco you can picture. Then layer a much younger Selena’s wide-eyed innocent voice talking to her grandma about having a spiritual awakening in St. Pete’s and wanting to start a lesbian commune with her besties over a montage of slow motion boobs and butts. 

The plot for this movie is thin at best. Four besties in college want to escape their super lame town and decide it is absolutely critical that they go for the full Girls Gone Wild Spring Break. But oh no, they haven’t got any money! Don’t worry, they’ll just hold up a diner with water guns full of vodka to get the money. Somehow that works with zero repercussions and is honestly the smallest crime the girls will get involved with throughout the movie. When they get to St. Pete’s, it’s just babes and boobs and butts everywhere. They’re all constantly touching one another and never wear more than a bikini again for the rest of the movie. You may think you have experienced the male gaze before, but this movie is truly on another level.

Things take a turn when the girls end up getting arrested at a party and are sprung by Alien, ie. creepy James Franco. Selena Gomez’s character, Faith, is immediately not on board and full on bounces from the trip. She signed up for a Spring Break full of lesbianism, not entertaining some dude. Vanessa and Ashley’s characters Candy and Brit have absolutely no qualms about using this pathetic man for access to guns, drugs, and cash. They are so clearly dating (even during the threesome with Alien they only have eyes for each other) that they could literally be a lez-ssential couple if the movie itself was not so chaotic and so, so uncomfortably male gazey. We really wanted this to go full Thelma and Louise at the end, and to be fair it sort of does. Brit and Candy egg Alien into taking on his rival and get him killed in the process, leaving them free to take all of his stuff and drive off in his fancy car (after gunning down like at least 50 men while clad in nothing but bikinis and somehow not getting shot themselves). 

We know one thing for sure, Spring Breakers Should’ve Been Gay. 

Follow us on the platform formerly known as Twitter: (@lezhangoutpod) and answer our Q & Gay questions at the end of every episode. You can also join us on Facebook.com/lezhangoutpod and Instagram (@lezhangoutpod). Find us individually on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok at Leigh (@lshfoster) and Ellie (@elliebrigida). 

We are planning another #TrovaTrip gaycation! Join Ellie and Leigh in Costa Rica May 1-6, 2024, for the relaxing queer vacay you deserve. For more information and to be among the first to book a spot (and snatch up that Early Bird Discount!), visit bit.ly/lezdocostarica.

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