Ep. 11 - Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

In this episode, Marc and Diana discuss Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Paterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. The book covers how to have difficult conversations and explains why these conversations are important. Learning how to have successful crucial conversations can help your firm address problems before they affect your growth. Learn the STATE Your Path method, and explore why the most difficult conversations we have are often with our highest performers. 

[1:27] Marc introduces the subject of today’s episode – how to have difficult conversations. The episode will pull from the book discuss Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Paterson et al. Marc believes this is one of his weaknesses; he struggles to hold people accountable.

[3:06] Crucial Conversations is a tool for planning difficult conversations. The book gives tools for preparing for these conversations and following through. Diana points out that no one likes difficult conversations because nobody likes being uncomfortable.

[5:10] A crucial conversation occurs when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions are strong. These conversations are difficult by nature – so why should we have them? Dealing with problems while things are going well for your firm overall will promote progress in the future. 

[9:12] Crucial conversations are about holding people accountable. Your best performers want to be held accountable so they will improve while your poor performers will hide from difficult conversations. However, we tend to shy away from these conversations with our high performers.

[12:17] Crucial Conversations contains a helpful handout to plan your conversations. The handout starts by looking inward to recognize and address your own contributions to the problem. It also helps you focus in on the real problem. 

[16:23] The second part of the plan is to STATE your path. STATE is an acronym that stands for share your facts, tell your story, ask for others’ paths, talk tentatively, and encourage testing. Sharing your facts means starting the conversation in an objective place. This could refer to concrete, well-documented things you are noticing.

[19:10] From there, you can tell your story. This might mean stating your conclusions from somebody’s actions, or referring to the team’s core values. 

[19:49] The next step is to ask for others’ paths, or give people a chance to explain themselves. Ideally, the person you are speaking to will admit to the objective facts and commit to doing better. Other times, you might see excuses and denials. 

[22:39] Next, talk tentatively. This refers to approaching the conversation as a story to recognize a pattern of behavior and how it is impacting your work. 

[24:32] The final step is to encourage testing. This makes it safe for others to share their own opinions. 

[26:41] Another important aspect is to recognize your emotional triggers, or things that people say that tend to bring out an emotional reaction from you. Marc tends to react poorly to people saying something is not their job and not accepting responsibility, while Diana has difficulty with defensiveness and excuses. 

[28:57] The third element of the outline is the follow-up. Marc tends to shut down at this step. He sometimes believes that he does not need to plan the conversation or does not identify it as a crucial conversation. Recognizing that a meeting will be a crucial conversation is the first step to preparing for success. 

[32:47] The follow-up meeting is the most important step because it is where accountability takes place. The crucial conversation is about identifying and solving a problem, while the follow-up is about ensuring the solution worked. Marc says not to leave the first conversation without planning for the second.

[35:50] Diana notes that the PIP is a better option than a crucial conversation for terminating an employee. Marc says that crucial conversations are the most beneficial for your high-performers. 

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Read discuss Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Paterson et al.: https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328 

Listen to discuss Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High by Kerry Paterson et al.: https://www.audible.com/pd/Crucial-Conversations-Audiobook/1639291172