Healing the Tigress Ep. 11 - Behind the Choice of Being One and Done with Shannon Eng
TW: Miscarriages are briefly discussed in this episode.
If you asked Shannon Eng when she was younger how many kids she wanted, she might have told you ten! She thought she wanted a lot of children, despite being an only child herself. And then she became a mother right before the world shut down for a global pandemic.
The idea of having more children soon changed after Shannon went through postpartum during a time where she did not have a village for support and her mental health was often not well. Now she has decided that for her mental health's sake, one child is exactly what she wants and needs.
Some of you may also know Shannon as a popular fitness nutrition specialist and Pilates instructor on social media as @caligirlgetsfit. She uses her platform now not only to share about health and wellness, but to highlight her motherhood journey and how she is an only child who is choosing to raise an only child. Shannon also recently started a newer account on Instagram called @onlynotlonelykids to focus more on single children topics.
In this episode, we discuss how Shannon had 2 miscarriages before having her son, and that began to set the stage for the mental health toll motherhood would have on her. We talk about how some people don't view mental health as a "real" reason not to have more children. We talk about the mislabeled stereotypes people give to only children and some of the reasons and history behind how these unfounded assumptions came to be.
Shannon is a third and fourth generation Chinese American, but despite her family being in the U.S. for awhile, she feels they still hold onto a lot of Asian values--one of which is the cultural expectation to have many children so someone will care for the elderly. We talk about how people often think only children will be "lonely," and Shannon also gives a great analogy to the argument for "double or nothing" when it comes to having children.
We hope this conversation will help normalize the choice to be one and done as well as for society to stop mislabeling only children with stereotypes that have been disproven before they really get to know them. We realize that having a choice is a privilege, but also want to acknowledge that there is no perfect family size. The best one is the one that works for your family--physically and mentally.
Find more of Shannon at:
Instagram:
1. www.instagram.com/caligirlgetsfit
2. www.instagram.com/onlynotlonelykids
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Note: The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speakers' own. This podcast is not a replacement for therapy or professional/medical advice. If you need more support or advice, please reach out to your own medical professional who can answer your questions with your individual medical history and background in context.