Jim & Paul Warner - Successfully Navigating Multi-Generational Family Dynamics [The Business of Family]

Jim and Paul Warner work together in multi-generational family dynamics helping all parties establish and sustain authentic, synergistic, relationships.

Paul leads young adult retreats, focusing on authentic relationships, navigating change, and leadership development. He also coaches young adults seeking clarity on their life purpose, mission, and vision, and guides them to take full responsibility for their lives.

Jim’s work has led him to write three books and an audio series based on high achievers’ yearnings for identity, meaning, and connection. He has been married 44 years and enjoys enriching relationships with his wife, their three adult children, and a granddaughter.

Jim and Paul work extensively with Young Presidents’ Organization and Family Business Network Families Worldwide. The last dozen years they have also guided several S.E. Asian families in their quest to establish enduring principles across multiple generations.

Standout Quotes:

"One of the major issues of families of wealth is they make the mistake of insulating the kids from the realities of living outside of the wealth bubble" - [Jim Warner]
"Without being able to experience pain, you cheat people out of the ability to experience joy; I'd like to think of pain and joy as opposite sides of the same coin and if you mute one, you're gonna mute the other" - [Jim Warner]
"If we want our young adult children to step into their sense of destiny, are we modeling that ourselves?" - [Jim Warner]
"If you've worked with one family, you've worked with one family" - [Jim and Paul Warner]
"Introduce a common language within the family so that we can play in these intentional spaces, to stretch towards each other." [Paul Warner]
"Harmony is impossible without the willingness to go into painful discussions" - [Jim Warner]
"If you choose not to discuss the Elephant in the room, you forfeit the right to complain" - [Jim Warner]
"When all parties are willing to play ball, when all parties are willing to take responsibility, we'll often say "right now this family has 600% responsibility" each of you takes 100% responsibility for what is within your control." [Paul Warner]
"Love is unconditional, relationships are not" - [Jim Warner]

Key Takeaways:

Jim explains the need to distinguish supporting and protecting, from enabling, because oftentimes families blur those lines.
Mike and Jim agree that being insulated from the rest of the world does not necessarily protect wealthy children but may do more harm than good.
Governance structures are secondary to parental modeling of core values.
Rather than jumping right into getting the kid fit for succession, the key thing a parent should ask is "How do I help my young adult find their own passion in life?"
Jim highlights 3 key steps to balancing being a nurturing parent while not enabling children: Active listening, Allowing children to face disappointment, and Guiding them to take responsibility for their lives.
Many professionals who go into a family environment have a relatively small toolbox; if all you've got is a hammer, the whole world looks like a nail.
Harmony is about truth-telling, it's not about being nice to one another
Jim stresses that the goal of discussing the painful topics (the elephant in the room) is the potential of having an authentic family relationship as opposed to a transactional family relationship
If a sense of self-awareness is instilled into children, then when they're adults you can have mature transformational discussions as a family, but without it, the children may never grow up.
The components of the "Trust" that sets elders apart: Credibility, Reliability, Honesty, Vulnerability and Adaptability.
There are two ways life happens; life can happen to me where I'm the victim, or life can happen by me where I'm a creator and I create my own options
Life is a journey and the important things take time; part of that journey will be your individual discovery and deeper understanding and connection with yourself.
Don't change, I love you just the way you are

Episode Timeline:

[00:50] Mike briefly introduces both Jim and Paul Warner, and they share some of their background stories
[04:45] Paul describes the impact of his father in his eventual choice of profession
[07:22] What are some of the challenges that you've seen for parents raising motivated and happy children amidst wealth?
[13:47] What role do you think formal governance structures play in shaping strong family values and bonds?
[17:05] Paul's definition of the rising generation, describing the common dynamic between them and the older generation.
[20:25] How do you help people identify their own path and whether or not they're fit for succession?
[22:46] How Paul got into the family business
[28:02] Jim describes how a parent can be welcoming and nurturing without enabling the children
[29:55] The approach to working with different families
[33:45] 13 guidelines for authentic interactions in any environment
[39:10] Discussing the "Elephant in the room"
[51:37] What sets an elder apart with respect to the ability to influence the success of a family?
[01:00:06] From Paul to his kids
[01:01:07]From Jim to his kids

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BusinessOfFamily.net

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Special Guests: Jim Warner and Paul Warner.