Last Chance Couples Therapy: How to Break the Systemic Cycle of Fighting and Breathe New Life into Old Relationship Patterns

In this episode, I speak with Peter about his work with “last chance couples” -- couples on the brink of separation who are putting in potentially one final effort in therapy. Peter first gives us a history of how he began specializing in this demographic of couples, the cornucopia of therapeutic models he brings into his work, and the particular challenges these types of couples pose to the therapeutic approach. He speaks about the creative relational movement approach to change which he employs to break a couples’ systemic cycle of fighting. A common issue that these “last chance couples” have, is there is often very little to no internal motivation left to employ a change to their dynamic. Within this creative relational change approach, Peter speaks to the four premises that are important for the couple and therapist alike to understand to get on board with this process, and which of the four premises is most controversial to the field of psychology. He also talks about naming vulnerability as a good way to break the cycle of angry fighting, the challenges of a detached partner, and the often gendered dynamics that can either play into or disrupt the cycle of fighting. Peter shares four research-supported suggestions for couples to increase both the therapeutic credibility and therapeutic outcomes and the five most common “last chance couple” scenarios, including one he discovered after the publication of his book on the subject. Finally, Peter zooms out and leaves us with the big picture concept of how couples can adopt relational values to use as a compass to better guide their relationship on a daily basis. Peter Fraenkel, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor of Psychology at City College of New York; former faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and NYU Medical Center; and is in private practice in New York City. He is the author numerous peer-reviewed articles and chapters, and the books Last Chance Couple Therapy: Bringing Relationships Back from the Brink (2023, Norton); Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage: Four Steps to Getting Back on Track; and is co-author of The Relational Trauma of Incest: A Family-Based Approach to Treatment. Peter lectures and conducts therapist trainings internationally. He received the American Family Therapy Academy’s 2012 award for Innovative Contribution to Family Therapy. He is a former Vice President and former Board Member of AFTA, a Board member of the Minuchin Center for the Family, and a reviewer for several family therapy journals. Peter is also a professional drummer and percussionist, and has performed and recorded worldwide.