Sarah is fueling up for this episode with a party size platter of hoagies, and it is glorious. This isn't the only fun food-related incident today, though. Oh no, we also learn that Sarah loved muffins so much as a child that she ATE THE WRAPPERS as well. She blames this habit on having an "almond mom," and we learn why these moms were common in the 90s. She also laments Eli's abstention from bread and admits she's not cut out for the Keto lifestyle. We hear from two food critics who teaches us how to order from a menu like a pro, and they include some tips we did not see coming. Hear what they have to say about classic foods, the reason soups are overlooked, and why short ribs are for rookies. We strategize the best order in which to eat your food, learn how to talk to servers, and talk crap on people who refuse to share. Plus, we learn why turtles hibernate for several months each year and we are livid about the Dali Lama scandal.

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704: Submarine Sandwiches, Menu Hacks, & Hiding Turtles