
New Books in Psychoanalysis Adam Phillips, "The Life You Want" (FSG, 2026)
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Jun 5, 2026 Adam Phillips, practicing psychoanalyst and author, reflects on how we imagine and pursue the lives we want. He traces cultural shifts in consumerism and authority, the pull toward being told what to want, and how choice overload and omniscience undermine conversation. Short, provocative reflections range from pedagogy and resistance to pleasure, disappointment, and reconciling desires with reality.
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Stick To Your Guns Instead Of Persuading
- At a conference, Helena observed Phillips advise someone to 'stick to your guns' rather than argue to persuade.
- Phillips recalled being dismayed by training that used authority to persuade rather than cultivate receptivity.
Character Traits Are Hardwon Self Cures
- Personal character traits are long-built self-cures for developmental problems and resist quick change.
- Phillips compares traits to addictions or solutions (e.g., alcoholism) that once functioned to manage pain and will not be easily relinquished.
Existential Questions Are Developmental Work
- Engaging adolescents with hard questions (like Was I worth being born) can be both freeing and dangerous.
- Phillips warns cultural pressures plus puberty make such existential questioning intense and potentially overwhelming.









