@puritytopolyamory, a former Evangelical Christian, discusses her transition from purity culture to solo polyamory. Topics include the connection between purity culture and rape culture, the challenges of opening up monogamous relationships, reconciling Christianity and polyamory, and personal experiences with demisexuality.
Purity culture promotes toxic gender roles within Christianity, putting pressure on women and perpetuating toxic masculinity.
The transition from monogamy to non-monogamy often leads to relationship failures due to the changes involved in opening up.
Polyamory can be reconciled with Christianity, but not with purity culture.
Deep dives
Introduction to Purity to Polyamory
In this podcast episode, the host, Leanne Yao, interviews Purity to Polyamory, who specializes in deconstructing religion within the context of polyamory. They discuss how purity culture, a concept within Christianity that promotes abstaining from any sexual activity until marriage, impacts individuals' beliefs and experiences. Purity to Polyamory shares personal experiences with the pressure to find one's soulmate and save oneself for marriage. The discussion also touches on the lack of resources that address the intersection of polyamory and religion. The focus is on those who come from oppressive religious structures and are now exploring non-monogamy as a means of recovering from shame and guilt around their sexuality.
Navigating the Impact of Purity Culture
Purity to Polyamory delves into the damaging impact of purity culture, outlining the metaphors and messages used to shame individuals for their sexual desires and actions. The pressure to maintain purity and avoid any premarital sexual intimacy often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. The speaker shares their personal struggles and feelings of guilt during physical encounters in their previous monogamous relationship. The discussion highlights how purity culture enforces strict codes of conduct and expectations within Christian communities, ultimately affecting individuals' emotional and sexual well-being.
The Role of Gender in Purity Culture
The conversation explores the gendered aspect of purity culture and how it affects individuals' experiences. Purity culture promotes traditional gender roles, emphasizing that women are the holders of sexuality while men are driven by sexual desires. This dynamic can lead to a sense of possession and control over women's bodies within relationships and perpetuates toxic masculinity. The speaker highlights how these gendered expectations impact relationship dynamics, including pressures on women to fulfill their husbands' sexual needs and the inability for men to express their desires openly.
Transitioning from Monogamy to Polyamory
The speaker discusses their personal journey from a monogamous relationship to exploring non-monogamy. They share how their introduction to non-monogamy began with an exploration of individual desires, emotional connections, and fantasy sharing with their partner. The process of questioning and unlearning mononormative beliefs was gradual and involved seeking the guidance of a sex therapist. The speaker also reflects on the incompatibility they discovered within their prior relationship structure, leading them to identify as solo polyamorous in their current journey of self-discovery.
Reconciling Christianity and Polyamory
While the speaker no longer embraces Christianity personally, they acknowledge the possibility of reconciling one's Christian faith with polyamory. They emphasize that polyamory is rooted in love and highlight the existence of polyamorous Christians. The discussion touches on the importance of exploring personal beliefs and acknowledging that love and connection can be abundant. The speaker plans to feature a Christian polyamorous guest on their podcast to delve deeper into the intersection of faith and non-monogamy.
What do purity culture and mononormativity have in common? I speak with @puritytopolyamory as she shares her fascinating story of moving from the oppressive Evangelical Christian religion to solo polyamory. We discuss:
- How purity culture is rape culture, and why it is particularly damaging to people socialised as women
- Why the many changes that occur in the opening up process lead to so many previously monogamous relationships failing at no fault of their own
- How Christianity and polyamory can be reconciled, but not purity culture and polyamory