Alonement Anita Bhagwandas: Finding a Social Balance When You Live Alone
My guest this week is Anita Bhagwandas, an award winning beauty director, and more recently the author of Ugly: Giving Us Back Our Beauty Standards, a book that examines the damaging impact of narrow beauty ideals and serves as a brilliant manifesto towards a more inclusive attitude. The book explores the importance of practising self care on your own terms, not what the beauty industry tells you - something Anita knows a lot about after 15 years in the industry. Anita also lives alone in London, like me, and we discuss the creative joys of cooking for one, getting to plan a week that perfectly balances quiet night doing laundry with going out to gigs with friends - something Anita loves – plus an honest discussion of why getting flaked on can affect you much harder when you’re single or live alone.
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Takeaways
- Alone time preferences can vary from person to person, and it is important to find a balance that works for you.
- Self-care is not about buying things or following trends; it is about understanding what truly nourishes and rejuvenates you.
- The commodification of self-care has led to a misconception that it requires expensive products or activities, when in reality, it can be as simple as taking a few minutes for yourself.
- It is important to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs to others, especially when it comes to making plans and canceling.
- Cooking for oneself can be an act of self-care, and it is important to challenge the notion that it is not worth it to cook for one person.
- Don't just follow beauty trends or societal expectations, choose makeup and beauty routines that bring you joy and creativity.
- Alone time can be an escape from beauty standards and an opportunity to embrace your natural self.
- Choose what beauty work brings you joy and let go of the tasks that feel tedious or unnecessary.
- Journaling and checking in with yourself can be a valuable practice for self-reflection and self-care.
Chapters
00:00
Introduction and Speed Friending
02:14
Being Good at Time Alone
03:10
Introverts and Only Children
05:39
Alone Time During the Pandemic
08:05
Journalist Mode in Social Situations
11:12
Solo Hobbies
15:31
Changing Relationship with Alone Time
18:04
The Myth of Self-Care
27:57
Counteracting Myths Around Self-Care
32:30
Navigating External Reinforcement of Self-Care
35:08
Overcoming Only-Me-ism in Cooking
36:45
The Joy of Cooking and Makeup
38:20
The Danger of Makeup as a Tool to Hide
39:17
Rediscovering the Joy and Creativity of Makeup
40:30
The Solo Process of Makeup and Self-Criticism
41:35
Cooking for Yourself vs. Cooking for Others
43:58
Escaping Beauty Standards in Alone Time
44:49
Choosing What Beauty Work to Enjoy
47:25
Picking and Choosing What Makes You Feel Good
48:21
Alonement: Journalling and Checking In with Yourself
49:36
The Joy of Writing in a Nice Notebook
You can follow Anita Bhagwandas' Substack at anitabhagwandas.substack.com, and mine at francescaspecter.substack.com
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