Annie F. Downs, a New York Times bestselling author and speaker, shares her journey through grief after losing her nephew TJ. She discusses the surprising ways children process loss, emphasizing the importance of genuine conversations over platitudes. Exploring her new children's book, Downs highlights how storytelling helps kids navigate complex emotions. The conversation touches on balancing joy with sorrow, the power of empathy, and the vital role of vulnerability and support for parents facing mental health challenges.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Inspiration for "Where Did TJ Go?"
Annie Downs' nephew, TJ, was diagnosed with a life-limiting illness.
This personal tragedy prompted her to write "Where Did TJ Go?", a children's book about grief and loss.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Supporting Grieving Friends
When supporting grieving friends, acknowledge your limitations with simple words of love.
Offer practical help, like spending time together, rather than trying to say the perfect thing.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Helping Children Grieve
Let children lead the discussion about grief by asking their own questions.
Use factual language like "died" instead of euphemisms to help them process the truth.
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The Anxious Generation
Jonathan Haidt
In 'The Anxious Generation', Jonathan Haidt examines the sudden decline in the mental health of adolescents starting in the early 2010s. He attributes this decline to the shift from a 'play-based childhood' to a 'phone-based childhood', highlighting mechanisms such as sleep deprivation, attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, and perfectionism that interfere with children’s social and neurological development. Haidt proposes four simple rules to address this issue: no smartphones before high school, no social media before age 16, phone-free schools, and more opportunities for independence, free play, and responsibility. The book offers a clear call to action for parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments to restore a more humane childhood and end the epidemic of mental illness among youth.
Where the Wild Things Are
Maurice Sendak
In this iconic children's book, Max, dressed in his wolf suit, causes chaos at home and is sent to bed without supper. His bedroom transforms into a jungle, and he sails to an island where he encounters the Wild Things. Max tames the creatures and becomes their king, but eventually returns home, missing his mother's love. The book is praised for its honest treatment of children's emotions, particularly anger and the need for parental love. It has been adapted into a movie and an opera and remains a beloved classic in children's literature[1][2][4].
Where Did TJ Go?
Where Did TJ Go?
Annie F. Downs
Harriet the Spy
Louise Fitzhugh
In 'Harriet the Spy', Harriet M. Welsch, an eleven-year-old girl, spends her time spying on her friends, family, and neighbors, documenting her observations in a private notebook. When her notebook falls into the hands of her classmates, they are appalled by her brutally honest comments, leading to a series of confrontations and repercussions. Harriet faces isolation and depression but ultimately learns valuable lessons about friendship, honesty, and the consequences of her actions. The book is a classic tale of growing up and self-discovery, known for its realistic portrayal of childhood and its impact on young readers[1][4][5].
Garden City
Ebenezer Howard
What has play got to do with suffering?
Annie F. Downs has built her career on having fun. Her New York Times bestseller titles include That Sounds Fun, Remember God, and 100 Days to Brave. Her new book for kids seems very different from the fun-loving Downs.
Downs explains how the death of her nephew TJ led her to write a children's book to help kids (and grownups) understand suffering and loss at the same time as the love of God.
In this episode, Downs tells us what surprised her about how kids respond to this kind of suffering and what that taught her about getting rid of fake platitudes, about what to do when someone you love is hurting, and about how to genuinely grieve while still recognizing a world of joy, hope, and even fun.
Resources mentioned in this episode or recommended by the guest include:
The Russell Moore Show 
