37. If You Want a Better Relationship, Look in the Mirror - Doris Wild Helmering, LCSW, BCD

Have you ever been to a counselor who made your life worse instead of better? It happens all the time. Today, people really need to dig to find a therapist who doesn’t take sides (often with the woman), who doesn’t espouse politically correct gobbledygook, and who tells it like it is, not as he or she thinks it should be.

That’s Doris Wild Helmering. Doris is an international author, media personality, business consultant and seminar leader. She has written eight self-help books, two children’s books, numerous booklets, and a weekly syndicated newspaper column for 24-years.

She appeared on Oprah three times, had her own segment on television, her own radio show, consulted for a number of fortune five-hundred companies, and has logged over 51,000 hours doing individual, marital, group and family therapy.

Doris believes most problems are solvable—all it takes is getting the right information and using it to change one’s behavior. She’s here to talk with us today about how to get control of your anger, why criticism is so destructive, what to look for in Mr. and Mrs. Right, and more.

Doris’s website is  https://doriswildhelmering.com/

• Most people come into therapy and want the OTHER person to change
• The key to improving in relationships and life is to examine and ourselves what WE could have done better
• People often place blame on others to protect themselves
• You cannot make someone else change, you can change yourself, which will prompt a different response from the person you are trying to change
• When choosing a mate, if he or she has been married before, what was the cause of the breakup? Do they find any culpability on their part? Do you like their friends? How do they handle money?
• Lead with your brain instead of with your feelings (especially when choosing a partner)
• If you want a better marriage, step back, and think “What do I do in this relationship that causes problems?” Pick three things and start working on them immediately.
• If you have an anger problem, it can be changed. Use a mantra, such as: “I choose not to be angry. I choose to be in control.”
• Divorce is usually only temporarily freeing
• It is a parent’s duty to talk about values, expectations, sex, money, relationships, etc.

BIG TAKEAWAY:

• If you want a better relationship with your child, friend, husband, wife: Ask yourself what you can do to make it better and your relationships will change!

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