Emily Nagoski, a renowned sex educator and bestselling author, dives into the complexities of intimate relationships. She discusses the shift from desire to pleasure, emphasizing that good communication leads to great sex. Nagoski explores the dual control model of sexual response, addressing how stress and body image affect arousal. She highlights the importance of trust and vulnerability in maintaining lasting connections, while advocating for body positivity and self-acceptance. This engaging talk offers practical insights for enhancing sexual well-being and relationship satisfaction.
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insights INSIGHT
The Desire Imperative
The desire imperative is a cultural script dictating how sex "should" work, especially in long-term relationships.
It suggests that desire should always be present and that its decline requires intervention, which can lead to pressure and self-judgment.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Centering Pleasure
Center pleasure, not desire, in your sex life.
Prioritize creating time and space for shared pleasure with your partner, even scheduling it.
insights INSIGHT
Dual Control Model
The dual control model explains sexual response as a balance between the accelerator (excitation) and brakes (inhibition).
Individual sensitivity to these systems varies, impacting desire and arousal levels.
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the surprising new science that will transform your sex life
Emily Nagoski
Blanca González Villegas
In 'Come as You Are', Emily Nagoski and Blanca González Villegas delve into the latest scientific research on human sexuality, offering insights and practical advice to improve sexual well-being. The book addresses various aspects of sex, including desire, arousal, and the complexities of sexual response, aiming to help readers understand and enhance their sexual experiences.
Come Together, the science and art of creating lasting sexual connections
The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski's "Come Together" delves into the science and art of fostering enduring sexual connections. It challenges conventional wisdom about sex and relationships, offering evidence-based insights into desire, pleasure, and intimacy. The book explores the 'accelerator and brakes' model of sexual response, highlighting the interplay of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Nagoski emphasizes the importance of communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding individual differences in sexual experiences. Ultimately, it empowers readers to cultivate healthier, more fulfilling sexual relationships.
She comes first
the thinking man's guide to pleasuring a woman
Ian Kerner
She Comes First is an essential guidebook to oral sex, offering a radical new philosophy for pleasuring women. Written by sex therapist Ian Kerner, the book details dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman. It includes a detailed anatomy lesson, step-by-step instructions, and practical tips to improve sexual satisfaction. Kerner argues that oral sex is not just foreplay but a crucial part of the entire arousal process, making it a vital component of sexual relationships.
Burnout
The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
Emily Nagoski
Amelia Nagoski
This book, written by sisters Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, delves into the specific challenges women encounter with burnout. It provides a comprehensive, science-based approach to reducing stress and enhancing well-being. The authors define burnout as a combination of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decreased sense of accomplishment, and they offer practical solutions such as completing the biological stress cycle, managing emotional triggers, and overcoming societal pressures. The book is divided into sections that explain the stress cycle, the impact of cultural norms on women's stress levels, and strategies for rest, human connection, and self-compassion. It includes helpful worksheets and exercises to empower women to combat burnout and achieve genuine wellness[1][3][5].
Why is it so hard to talk about sex? How can we be a better friend and lover for our partner? What's the secret to maintaining "the magic" that first brought us together? Acclaimed sex educator and New York Times bestselling author Emily Nagoski views these questions through a unique lens that centers pleasure—not desire—in her counseling work with struggling couples.
In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Emily about the empowering insights in her newest book, Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. Listen now to their conversation on: breaking free from the desire imperative; the groundbreaking work of Helen Singer Kaplan; the dual control model of sexual response and the analogy of brakes and accelerators; "turning on the ons and turning off the offs"; reducing your stressors as a key aspect of centering pleasure in your life; friendship and admiration: two essentials for long-term relationships; trust, vulnerability, and emotional accessibility; creativity, play, and freedom; following your own rules; talking about sex; the fear of rejection; how "good communication gets you good sex; great communication gets you great sex"; incompatibility; the interplay of attraction and self-worth; body acceptance; and more.
Note: This episode originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.
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