EFR 904: The Neuroscience of Relationships and Safety: Healing Attachment and Core Wounds with Jessica Baum

This episode is brought to you by Audible, Fatty15 and LMNT.

Today I we sit down with psychotherapist and author Jessica Baum to explore how our earliest attachment patterns and trauma bonds shape the way we love, connect, and heal. Drawing from her groundbreaking new book SAFE: A Process for Creating Safe and Intimate Relationships with Yourself and Others, Jessica explains how the body stores implicit memory, why safety—not strength—is the gateway to healing, and how we can transform our nervous system responses to build secure, authentic relationships. Together, Chase and Jessica dive into the neuroscience of trauma healing, the difference between familiar love and real safety, the role of co-regulation, and how facing your own fears of abandonment can lead to the deepest peace and connection you've ever known.

Follow Jessica @jessicabaumlmhc

Follow Chase @chase_chewning

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00:00 – Why we repeat unhealthy relationship patterns

02:00 – How childhood attachment and body memory shape love

04:00 – Safely feeling what we've suppressed

06:00 – When healing triggers hidden trauma

07:30 – Safety as the gateway to true healing

10:00 – The science of trauma healing and earned security

13:30 – Safe love vs. familiar love

15:30 – Vulnerability, intimacy, and doing the work

17:00 – Healing while single vs. within a relationship

18:00 – Finding anchors: people who help you feel safe

19:30 – Why we crave love even after pain

20:50 – Mistaking intensity for love and trauma bonding

23:30 – Starting the work and finding support

25:00 – How to "therapy yourself" and identify core wounds

27:00 – How trauma lives in the body

30:00 – The nervous system, polyvagal theory, and safety cues

33:00 – Understanding nervous system states (ventral, sympathetic, dorsal)

35:00 – Co-regulation and energetic connection

38:00 – How to recognize a trauma bond

41:00 – Learning to be safe alone

43:00 – Healing abandonment and generational patterns

47:00 – Revisiting childhood wounds without parents

50:00 – Parenting, awareness, and intergenerational healing

52:00 – "It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility"

54:00 – Talking to your inner child and resourcing safety

56:00 – Anchors, inner and outer, for emotional regulation

59:00 – Revisiting painful memories and integrating trauma

01:00:30 – How trauma healing improves physical health

01:03:00 – Compassion, memory, and changing your past

01:06:00 – The role of compassion in creating safe relationships

01:09:00 – The science and humility behind SAFE

01:13:00 – Redefining "Ever Forward": slowing down to heal

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Episode resources:

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