Why you shouldn't assume "laziness" in neurodivergent kids

This is part 3 of a 3-part series on the common problems with interventions for ADHD and autism.

When you have some type of neurological variation that causes you to experience the world in a different way, you automatically become an easy target for manipulation.

Those who are easily overwhelmed, or who aren’t sure how to read social cues and self-regulate have to work really hard to participate in day-to-day situations that feel normal and easy for other people. This could include sitting in a desk in a classroom. It could include having a simple conversation with a peers. It could include following directions, or sitting in a noisy public area. These are things many people take for granted. As a result, it may not make sense why others, who have different neurological wiring (ADHD, autism, etc.) cannot tolerate certain tasks or activities. Neurodivergents are commonly accused of being defiant, inappropriate, or difficult. To others it seems like they’re not trying, or that they’re just lazy and unmotivated. But the truth is that most of them KNOW they’re different in some way. Yet when they’re constantly misunderstood, they start to believe they really are broken in some way. Which is why interventions focused “compliance” alone, reward/punishment can not only invalidate their experience…it can also cause them to doubt their grip on reality.

While they may struggle to read social cues and situations, we have to find a way to teach them these skills in a way that’s supportive. That’s why we need to rethink the way we support neurodivergents, and I talk about how to make that shift in this episode.

In this episode, I mentioned the Time Tracking Journal, which is a SIMPLE tool that will help you get through daily routines (like homework) with ease, without bribery, arguments, or constant hand-holding.  The Time Tracking Journal walks you through a strategy you can do in just 10-15 minutes a day that will help kids get tasks done effectively and efficiently, and critical thinking skills and self-confidence at the same time. You can learn how to get instant access here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding. 

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