We’re all thinking and talking and speculating and worrying about the COVID-19 pandemic. But really, deep down (or not so deep down), I think one of the real issues we are concerned with is death. Of all the things that every human experiences, death is probably the one we talk about the least.
This makes sense, of course. It is our primary value, at least on a physical level, to survive. And death is the opposite of survival. So our system produces all of these prohibitive measures, including powerful unpleasant emotions, to stop us from dying, or even thinking about, talking about, or looking at death.
And while I think it’s important to honour our emotions, I also think we have an opportunity to transcend them in order to normalize, discuss, imagine, and even accept, appreciate, and welcome death (without, you know, actually dying).
During a dark night of the soul last year, I realized that the concept of Heaven that our society seems so enamoured with is really nothing more than an extension of our natural desire to survive. If an afterlife involves consciousness, emotions, and memories, then it’s not substantially different from life itself, and I see no reason to expect it to produce significantly less suffering. As long as I am aware that my family or loved ones or humans in general are still on earth suffering, then that pretty much spoils heaven for me. It can’t be a paradise as long as I continue to care. And the thought of living with suffering forever is kind of overwhelming. There must be a better solution…
And there is! Death.
To me, the only desirable ending to the intensity, responsibility, care, emotion, struggle, and suffering of life, is death! Complete and utter non-existence is the one antidote to life that makes sense. And when you look at death with that in mind, it becomes a gift. A beautiful reward for having lived that we could never in good conscience bestow upon ourselves, but which we will all inevitably receive anyway. And so I am left at once wanting to avoid death, naturally, to maximize and enjoy my life to the fullest, and yet at the same time, kind of looking forward to the sweet relief that death promises.