Kuldrin's Krypt A BDSM 101 Podcast BDSM Protectors-S01E39
Apr 14, 2018
50:54
Recorded 1/28/2018 / Published 4/14/2018
Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 30 years of experience to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt we are going to discuss Protectors but first, I have to welcome my amazing co-host, Funsize.
Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
What are Protectors?
A usually dominant person who watches over another, their charge, to ensure their safety when interacting in the kink community. They act both online and off, at munches, or even occasionally during scenes to ensure that the charges limits and wishes are upheld.
Why is it important?
Protectors assist with navigating any dangers the charge has asked them to watch for and keeping away predators, abusers, and suspicious persons. They can also help with mediating negotiations and scenes before things turn harmful.
Duties
Taking on the title of Protector means you will have several duties in looking after your charge.
Negotiate a scene for your charge. Sometimes protectors have to step in, especially if their charge has frenzy to help enforce practical limits for a scene.
Give permission on specific play partners. They can act as a secondary advisor during the vetting process.
Act as a safety call for your charge, or attend those meetings in person.
Act as a transition dominant to a slave who has recently become unowned. This is more traditional for the Protector role in the leather community.
Watch over the submissive of another dominant at events.
When to seek out a Protector?
If you're new, if you're shy,going through frenzy, if you're having trouble with abusers or predators, or you just have a certain goal in mind but are having trouble weeding out everyone else, you might feel the need to seek out a Protector. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you can’t say no, or that you’re weak, helpless, or stupid as many have come to believe. It just means that you recognize that you sometimes need the support of others and have sought it out.
How to find one.
Ask a dominant friend, talk to other charges for recommendations, some Protectors will have more than one charge at a time.
When you find someone willing and trustworthy of being your Protector you will need to negotiate what you need your Protector to do. Just as you would negotiate any other relationship you need to define the terms of this relationship as well.
Approaching a Protector and their charge.
Approaching someone else's’ charge should not make you nervous, if you have good intentions. If anything you can take it as a safety net for both you and that charge.
Approaching in person when you know someone has a Protector means that you first ask the Protector if you may interact in a conversation, negotiation, etc with the submissive charge. Be respectful and honest about your intentions. If you don't know, be respectful, as you always should, and ask questions to determine just what that protection entails.
On Fetlife you will often see that someone is under the protection of someone else, or protecting another. When you encounter this and wish to spark up a conversation with the charge, simply respectful request permission for the contact with the Protector. Answer any questions they may have and be honest.
The bad reputation and sadly low opinion of Protectors and their charges.
Your Protector Is Hurting You- the essay. (https://xcbdsm.com/2015/12/28/protector/)
This essay makes several points about why not to have a Protector, or why having a Protector is bad.
Those points are that if you are a Protector or the charge of one, others simply will not approach you. The article goes in to how Protectors are robbing their charges of the communicating with others in the BDSM community, by scaring off others or limiting the way they communicate.
The second point this article makes is that Protectors only use the title as a way to isolate the submissive in order gain their trust and manipulate them. The idea here is that Protectors are actually acting as predators and coercing their charges into sexual dynamics. While this is true in some cases, its part of what's giving Protectors a bad rep overall. Not all Protectors are like this. There are bad apples who will take anything good and try to spoil it, that's as true here as it is anywhere.
The final point is that charges don't or shouldn't need a Protector. It makes out that someone who needs a Protector has something wrong with them, or that they're weak, unwilling or unable to say no. What it doesn't say it that they may want to say yes but be unsure of what their limits should be due to inexperience or frenzy. It doesn't say that we all need to feel safe, as a basic human need, and approaching dangerous situations; which BDSM is, kicks in that basic instinct in us. It also doesn't say that some people, the abusers, predators, or just disrespectful people don't always take no as an answer. Some will keep pressuring, and abusing others. I've been part of this lifestyle for years, I'm clearly strong minded and capable and there are still moments when I want to seek out a protector myself.
All in all this article holds many of the negative aspects of what people think of when they see the title of Protector, and I would very much like to shatter these illusions.
Conclusion
Protectors are an important part of this lifestyle and deserve more respect than they are given. We need to get back what Protectors are supposed to be and shrug off the assumptions that they are predators. But we also need to find a way to cull those who actually are.
A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producer Jeremiah, Our Senior Producer Matt, and our Jr. Producers K-2SO, Irish Mt. Dragon and The Accidental Trucker. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/supportme to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hard bound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
Next on The Krypt we are going to dive into . In the meantime go to kuldrinskrypt.com for show notes, how to subscribe information, and the link to Fetlife group so you can take part in the conversation and be eligible for giveaways. While you’re there click on support us to because a patreon supporter.
Contact info:
Email: Sir@kuldrinskrypt.com / funsize@kuldrinskrypt.com
Fetlife Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/159275
Fb: Kuldrin Fire
Twitter: @MasterKuldrin
Instagram: kuldrinfire
Patreon: kuldrinskrypt
Paypal: MasterKuldrin
http://kuldrinskrypt.com/contactresource
Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin and Funsize for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth
Welcome to Kuldrin’s Krypt I’m your host Master Kuldrin. If you are new to the show we use our combined 30 years of experience to dispel myths, get rid of stereotypes, and answer your questions about BDSM. You can call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at kudrinskrypt.com
On this episode of the Krypt we are going to discuss Protectors but first, I have to welcome my amazing co-host, Funsize.
Rules to Love by:
Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
“Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
What are Protectors?
A usually dominant person who watches over another, their charge, to ensure their safety when interacting in the kink community. They act both online and off, at munches, or even occasionally during scenes to ensure that the charges limits and wishes are upheld.
Why is it important?
Protectors assist with navigating any dangers the charge has asked them to watch for and keeping away predators, abusers, and suspicious persons. They can also help with mediating negotiations and scenes before things turn harmful.
Duties
Taking on the title of Protector means you will have several duties in looking after your charge.
Negotiate a scene for your charge. Sometimes protectors have to step in, especially if their charge has frenzy to help enforce practical limits for a scene.
Give permission on specific play partners. They can act as a secondary advisor during the vetting process.
Act as a safety call for your charge, or attend those meetings in person.
Act as a transition dominant to a slave who has recently become unowned. This is more traditional for the Protector role in the leather community.
Watch over the submissive of another dominant at events.
When to seek out a Protector?
If you're new, if you're shy,going through frenzy, if you're having trouble with abusers or predators, or you just have a certain goal in mind but are having trouble weeding out everyone else, you might feel the need to seek out a Protector. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you can’t say no, or that you’re weak, helpless, or stupid as many have come to believe. It just means that you recognize that you sometimes need the support of others and have sought it out.
How to find one.
Ask a dominant friend, talk to other charges for recommendations, some Protectors will have more than one charge at a time.
When you find someone willing and trustworthy of being your Protector you will need to negotiate what you need your Protector to do. Just as you would negotiate any other relationship you need to define the terms of this relationship as well.
Approaching a Protector and their charge.
Approaching someone else's’ charge should not make you nervous, if you have good intentions. If anything you can take it as a safety net for both you and that charge.
Approaching in person when you know someone has a Protector means that you first ask the Protector if you may interact in a conversation, negotiation, etc with the submissive charge. Be respectful and honest about your intentions. If you don't know, be respectful, as you always should, and ask questions to determine just what that protection entails.
On Fetlife you will often see that someone is under the protection of someone else, or protecting another. When you encounter this and wish to spark up a conversation with the charge, simply respectful request permission for the contact with the Protector. Answer any questions they may have and be honest.
The bad reputation and sadly low opinion of Protectors and their charges.
Your Protector Is Hurting You- the essay. (https://xcbdsm.com/2015/12/28/protector/)
This essay makes several points about why not to have a Protector, or why having a Protector is bad.
Those points are that if you are a Protector or the charge of one, others simply will not approach you. The article goes in to how Protectors are robbing their charges of the communicating with others in the BDSM community, by scaring off others or limiting the way they communicate.
The second point this article makes is that Protectors only use the title as a way to isolate the submissive in order gain their trust and manipulate them. The idea here is that Protectors are actually acting as predators and coercing their charges into sexual dynamics. While this is true in some cases, its part of what's giving Protectors a bad rep overall. Not all Protectors are like this. There are bad apples who will take anything good and try to spoil it, that's as true here as it is anywhere.
The final point is that charges don't or shouldn't need a Protector. It makes out that someone who needs a Protector has something wrong with them, or that they're weak, unwilling or unable to say no. What it doesn't say it that they may want to say yes but be unsure of what their limits should be due to inexperience or frenzy. It doesn't say that we all need to feel safe, as a basic human need, and approaching dangerous situations; which BDSM is, kicks in that basic instinct in us. It also doesn't say that some people, the abusers, predators, or just disrespectful people don't always take no as an answer. Some will keep pressuring, and abusing others. I've been part of this lifestyle for years, I'm clearly strong minded and capable and there are still moments when I want to seek out a protector myself.
All in all this article holds many of the negative aspects of what people think of when they see the title of Protector, and I would very much like to shatter these illusions.
Conclusion
Protectors are an important part of this lifestyle and deserve more respect than they are given. We need to get back what Protectors are supposed to be and shrug off the assumptions that they are predators. But we also need to find a way to cull those who actually are.
A final note or two.
I’d like to thank our Executive Producer Jeremiah, Our Senior Producer Matt, and our Jr. Producers K-2SO, Irish Mt. Dragon and The Accidental Trucker. If you would like to become one of our show producers go to our website, https://kuldrinskrypt.com/supportme to get that information.
Second, I’d like to talk BDSM contracts for their donation of their beautiful 25 page soft and hard bound M/s and D/s contracts.. http://bdsmcontracts.org coupon code: kuldrin20 for a 20% discount on all purchases.
And finally, I’d like to thank http://whippingstripes.com my personal maker of leather and paracord impact toys.
NEXT WEEK’S AGENDA
Next on The Krypt we are going to dive into . In the meantime go to kuldrinskrypt.com for show notes, how to subscribe information, and the link to Fetlife group so you can take part in the conversation and be eligible for giveaways. While you’re there click on support us to because a patreon supporter.
Contact info:
Email: Sir@kuldrinskrypt.com / funsize@kuldrinskrypt.com
Fetlife Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/159275
Fb: Kuldrin Fire
Twitter: @MasterKuldrin
Instagram: kuldrinfire
Patreon: kuldrinskrypt
Paypal: MasterKuldrin
http://kuldrinskrypt.com/contactresource
Outro: This has been Master Kuldrin and Funsize for kuldrinskrypt.com: Unearth the Truth