what to do when you finally wake up to the pain you've caused the people you love

What do you do when you realize you’ve hurt the people you love? In this episode, I respond to a listener’s voicemail about the deep guilt that follows an episode of emotional dysregulation, where she “lost it” with close friends who haven’t spoken to her since. These moments—the ones where we realize, “I might be the problem”—can be some of the hardest to face on the path to healing. But they’re also powerful opportunities for self-reflection and growth. We’ll explore why emotional “blow-ups” don’t mean you’re back at square one and how moments of self-awareness can actually move us forward. This episode delves into the importance of atonement in relationships, providing steps for repairing the harm we’ve caused, as well as tools for forgiving ourselves.

Topics covered include:

• Recognizing signs that we may be hurting others in our relationships
• How to take accountability without wallowing in shame or self-hatred
• Finding the root causes behind emotional outbursts and self-sabotaging behaviors
• Steps for making amends and offering genuine apologies
• Practicing healthier behaviors as part of your ongoing healing journey
• Real strategies for self-forgiveness and moving forward after a mistake

This episode is a guide for anyone grappling with guilt and self-doubt in their relationships, offering insights on breaking free from cycles of emotional harm and nurturing healthier connections.

Recommended resources:

■ Article by Jim Tolles | “7 steps to Atoning for Pain You’ve Caused Another”

■ TedTalk by Kristin Neff | “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion”

■ YouTube video with Lisa Romano | “Verbal Abuse in Relationships”

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The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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