129. Married Couples Are Having Less Sex. Do You Know Why?

We're diving into the question every married man has thought but few have discussed openly: "Why don't we have more sex?" This honest conversation with guest expert Dan Purcell unpacks the hidden barriers to sexual fulfillment in marriage and offers practical wisdom for rebuilding intimacy.

Sexual difficulties in marriage aren't usually about the surface-level issues we blame—stress, fatigue, or busy schedules. The root problems typically stem from how we approach intimacy itself. When achievement-oriented men treat their spouses like projects to be fixed or goals to be conquered, they create distance instead of connection. "Your spouse isn't a project," Purcell reminds us. "She's not a person that if you whine loud enough or do the dishes enough... you don't earn sex like you do other goals."

This episode challenges the transactional mindset many men bring to the bedroom. We explore how unspoken resentments, poor communication, and mismatched expectations create barriers to fulfilling intimacy. Purcell shares from personal experience how his own "superior attitude" damaged his marriage until he learned to check himself first: "What is my role in why my wife has lower desire? How am I contributing to the problem?"

The conversation also addresses pornography's devastating impact on marital intimacy, with 83% of men in a recent church survey admitting to struggling with porn addiction. Like "a diet of candy bars," pornography provides temporary satisfaction while starving the relationship of genuine connection. True passion, we discover, only exists where there's freedom—your spouse must feel completely free to say both yes and no without manipulation or pressure.

Whether you're newly married or celebrating decades together, this episode offers transformative insights for creating the intimate connection you both desire. Start by sitting down with your spouse this week and asking: "What does emotional and physical intimacy look like for us right now?" Then simply listen without defending or fixing—it might be the beginning of a whole new chapter in your marriage.

And if this hits home, we’re continuing the conversation LIVE at theISI Roundtable on July 29 virtual free event.This is your chance to go deeper, ask real questions, and connect with other men walking the same road. Save your seat today! https://www.isibrotherhood.com/roundtable

Key Takeaways:

• Many men unknowingly sabotage intimacy by treating their wives like projects or goals rather than equal partners.
• True connection requires ditching the transactional mindset and taking ownership of how we contribute to the intimacy gap.
• Poor communication, unspoken resentments, and mismatched expectations are often the real culprits behind sexual disconnection.
• Pornography creates a false sense of satisfaction while eroding real intimacy and freedom in the relationship.
• A simple, honest conversation—without fixing or defending—can be the first step toward rebuilding emotional and physical closeness.

Connect:

• Connect with ISI Brothers: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/
• Join the ISI Community: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/isi-community
• Big A's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronwalkerviewfromthetop/
• Seth’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com