The Patrick Madrid Show "Why I Can't Attend the 'Wedding'..." A Grandmother's Heartfelt Letter to Her Grandchild (Special Podcast Highlight)
Patrick Madrid takes on a question that a lot of Catholics wrestle with today... "Can I go to a wedding that’s not valid in the eyes of the Church?" Think: same-sex weddings, remarriages without annulments, Catholics marrying outside the Church, etc...
Now, Patrick’s not into the “grin and bear it, go anyway for family unity” thing. His gold standard is St. John the Baptist, who literally lost his head rather than support an invalid marriage.
But the heart of the episode? A powerful letter from a grandma to her granddaughter, explaining why she can't attend her wedding...not out of hate, but out of deep, eternal, radical LOVE. Let’s just say this is the kind of letter that leaves a mark.
THE LETTER:
Dear sweet granddaughter,
I love you and that will never change. But part of loving you is caring more for your eternal soul than your perceived temporary happiness. I wouldn't be loving you the way Christ calls me to love you if I attend something that celebrates your open rebellion against God, which will lead to His wrath being brought down upon you. Colossians 3:6 says that because of things like sexual immorality, 'the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience.' I love you so much that I want you to be saved from God's wrath. Therefore, I can't participate in a celebration that demonstrates how you deserve it.
You may not see this as love right now because I'm sure my words hurt.
Do you remember the time you ran into the street as a child when cars were coming? I swept you up and spanked you as a reminder to not run into the street. You didn't like that at the time. It hurt you and you weren't real happy with me in that moment. You didn’t speak to me for a little while and that wasn’t easy on a grandmother’s heart. I know my actions didn't feel loving to you in that moment, but they were out of a deeper love for you than you could understand. The pain you experienced was meant to be a warning that if you run in the street you're going to die. Would it have been more loving to watch you run in the street just because you thought it was fun and gave you momentary happiness?
Some will tell you that my absence at this ceremony is a lack of love and shows that I'm just judgmental. Nothing could be further from the truth. As painful as it will be for both of us, my absence is to communicate to you how MUCH I love you. I love you so much that I'm willing to sacrifice some aspects of our temporal relationship for your eternal well-being.
The street you’re about to run into is far more deadly than the one you ran into that afternoon when you were a child. No one would've called me loving if I had just sat there and watched you then. Those people would’ve been right if I had watched you then, and I would be wrong to watch you now. I cannot sit there and watch you play in a far more dangerous street.
I wish I could sweep you up and pull you out of this current street. But you’re no longer a little child; you’re a grown woman and have to make your own choices. But the consequences of running in this current street are far more dangerous than the street you ran into as a child. I can’t sweep you up and pull you out now, but I also can’t sit and just watch you run into oncoming traffic.
I believe my presence could be far more dangerous to you than my absence. I fear that my presence might communicate to you that the street you're playing in isn't as bad as it really is. If this causes a separation between us, my grandmother's heart will hurt. But my love as a Christian grandmother must rise above my familial emotions. I pray my absence will cause you to realize how dangerous your choice is and that any separation between us doesn’t even begin to compare to being eternally separated from God.
At celebrations, I want to smile, laugh, and have tears of joy. If I attend this ceremony, none of those things would be possible. I don’t want to sit there downcast and crying tears of sadness. So, when you look out and see my absence, I want you to know that I am not sitting at home angry or in a judgmental spirit. I will be home weeping, praying, and asking God to open your eyes to your sin and bring you to repentance.
This is not because I think I’m better than you. I am as much in need of God's saving grace as you are.
I too once played in the street of sin and thought I was okay. I thought that because God’s wrath had not yet poured down on me that it never would. I mistook God’s kindness to withhold His immediate wrath as tacit approval of me. What I didn’t know was that God’s kindness to withhold His wrath, that I deserved to be immediately poured out upon me, was meant to lead me to repentance. And God loved me enough to send someone into my life to tell me the truth about my sin so that I might be saved from His coming wrath.
Someone loved me enough to confront me, help me see my sin for what it is, and share the gospel with me. They warned me of God’s coming wrath. They showed me how God sent His Son Jesus to die in my place upon the cross and pay for my sins. They told me how Jesus not only died, but He rose again from the grave and defeated death so that I could be delivered from the penalty of death that I deserved because of my sin. And they told me I needed to turn from sin and turn to Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
You’ve heard me tell you this truth since you were a child. How many times did I tuck you in and tell you of the love of Jesus and quote John 3:16?
I continue to beg you to turn from your sin and come to Jesus. Whatever perceived happiness you feel in that ceremony and the relationship you're in will be fleeting. But if you turn from your sin and come to Christ for salvation, you will receive eternal peace and joy that no one can take from you.
If you go forward with this ceremony, I won’t be in that room. But I will always love you and be longing for you to turn from sin and come to Christ for salvation. The truth is, I love you so much that I won’t lie to you, either directly or indirectly, about the dangers of playing in the street of sin. Know that I love you and will long for the day when you see my actions as being like Jesus - to seek and to save the lost.
In true loving affection,
Nana
Patrick was blown away by the letter. He noted that while the letter didn’t specify the exact situation, it could apply to:
-A same-sex "wedding"
-A remarriage after divorce with no annulment
-A Catholic marrying outside the Church without following the canonical form
Whatever the case, the core truth remains: Real love doesn’t play nice with lies. Real love tells the truth, even when it costs something.
Patrick reminded you of1 John 4:18: “Perfect love casts out fear.”
This grandma is fearless. She’s not afraid to hurt feelings to save a soul. That is perfect love.