#11 Do I Want To Deal With This? How to Listen to Someone Else's Less-Than-Perfect Past
Jul 28, 2023
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Learn how to skillfully listen and respond to someone's less-than-perfect past in dating. Discover tips on asking thoughtful questions, cultivating empathy, and reframing baggage as valuable life experience.
Listen to your partner's vulnerabilities and challenges, offering alternative perspectives to understand the skills they have cultivated.
Focus on understanding the person beneath the baggage, reframing it as life experience to develop a deeper connection.
Deep dives
Listening with Empathy and Offering Perspective
When dating later in life, it's important to listen to your partner's vulnerabilities and challenges without trying to fix or solve them. Instead, you can offer an alternative perspective by asking questions that help you understand the skills or abilities they have cultivated as a result of their challenges. For example, if someone has a strained relationship with their child, asking about how they have tried to learn more about their child's interests can reveal their efforts to connect. By offering new insights, you create a chance for them to see their challenges in a different light.
Being a Better Baggage Handler
While dating, it's natural to judge others, but it's important to slow down the judgment and look beyond labels and past experiences. Instead of carrying someone else's baggage, the focus should be on understanding the person beneath it. By reframing baggage as life experience, you can help your partner see their past in a more positive and expansive way. This involves being open-minded and developing the skill of looking beyond surface judgments to truly get to know the person. This approach allows for a deeper connection and a more holistic understanding of each other's lives.
Why you should listen to this episode: Lakshmi shares a strategy for Later Daters on how to skillfully listen and respond to a person's less than perfect past. Discover how to best build a connection when someone opens up about their perceived "baggage" and turn it into a connective experience you can feel good about.
Who is a Later Dater? Anyone who feels they are dating later in life, or feels like they are just getting their head wrapped around how they want to date in today's world. Dating later in life has changed. And Later Daters often have the know-how and connection skills from pre-dating app days.
Lakshmi was named among the "Best Guests of 2023" on tech and culture podcast PIVOT with Kara Swisher & Scott Galloway. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/best-friends-of-pivot/id1073226719?i=1000639439067
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https://www.buymeacoffee.com/later_Lakshmi
The Later Dater Today is a podcast all about dating Later In Life but mostly the 45-59 window. This overlooked and often misunderstood part of the dating timeline is both under-discussed and wildly undervalued. Host, Lakshmi Rengarajan has been trying to bring both innovation as well as an analog approach to how we date today for the past 15 years.
Episodes every Friday and follow us on Instagram for bite size servings of ideas from the podcast. Follow us there: https://www.instagram.com/the_later_dater_today And be sure to visit us at the The Later Dater Today.com , sign up for our email list and please send us your questions!
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