The B.rad Podcast John Gray: Healing Strained Relationships With Increased Self-Awareness, Hopeful New Strategies, And “Fake It Till You Make It!”
Dr. John Gray will once again blow you away with a steady stream of life-changing relationship insights and distinct strategies to get things back on track when your relationship is feeling strained or downright broken. John lays the foundation for discussion by describing his “80/20” relationship principle. This means you should develop self-love and self-sufficiency such that you establish a baseline state of happiness and look to your relationship to make you 20% happier.
A dull, strained, or broken relationship is a natural consequence of the stresses of modern life, the rapidly evolving relationship roles in modern culture, and the hormonal differences between men and women that make everything from basic communication to maintaining a romantic spark really difficult. Dr. John explains that it can be really helpful to break free from arguing and blaming by reading a book together. Such as, ahem, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Beyond Mars and Venus, or Mars and Venus In The Bedroom. When you can gain self-awareness from a book, it’s easier to acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and rebuild hope that a new strategy can work where your devoted efforts have failed. For a quick example, Dr. John says women should resist their natural tendency to interrogate a man, as this will agitate them further.
On the other hand, men should overcome their natural tendency to avoid lengthy dialogue by probing and questioning your woman to draw out further insights and understanding. Dr. John also contends that when it comes to implementing the recommendations, “Fake it ‘till you make it” is not only okay, it’s 10 times more important and effective for men to do so! “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I overreacted, I was inconsiderate, I was selfish.” It’s not that hard to say, come on men, you can do it!
This show is nonstop action, entertainment, and life changing insights, so tune in, and listen again and again, ‘till you get it right! Dr. John’s discussion of his two-year grieving process over the passing of his longtime partner Bonnie gives us some important perspective and inspiration. We are all compelled to do the very best we can every day in life, take nothing for granted, cut out the ego-driven bullshit, and transcend the disturbingly common flawed relationship dynamics that we have come to perceive as normal. As Dr. John said to close a previous show, “If we can’t do it now and model this to our children, what hope do we have for the future of humanity?” Connect with John at MarsVenus.com and also enjoy his daily Facebook Live educational seminar at John Gray on Facebook, where he covers a different topic every day in live Q&A format.
TIMESTAMPS:
You can heal relationships sometimes, just by laughing at your own mistakes. [04:19]
A couple of quick gems to look at are: Women, don’t question men. And men, ask more questions. [07:11]
John talks about his grieving process and how he has learned more about himself. [09:53]
As men and women, we both have a male and female side. [17:23]
Your partner can make you happier but they cannot make you happy. 80% of your happiness comes from within you. [19:45]
Men are more affected by a woman’s negative reaction. [22:55]
Lithium Orotate is a mineral that does wonders to calm the thoughts. [23:45]
The balance of the brain chemicals in your brain affects your hormones, but your hormones affect your brain chemistry. [26:49]
Too much testosterone automatically goes into estrogen. Road rage is not caused by too much testosterone! [29:12]
Never look a guy in the eye when he is angry. [30:49]
It is important to consider the woman’s cycle when knowing how to relate to one another. [33:30]
When a woman is emotional, asking her questions will help calm her down. When a man is emotional, it is not a good time to get him to talk. [36:35]
What are some of the healing steps to be taken when the relationship has been suffering? [38:00]
Sex is controlled by the unconscious mind. [41:13]
The key to every relationship is based on a feeling of anticipation that I can get what I need. You need to have hope. [43:30]
Most of us just don’t know better. See your mistakes without feeling guilt. [45:36]
A good exercise is to write a letter to yourself as if the other person is writing it to you. [49:50]
Rather than “I’m sorry if…….’, it’s better to say “I’m sorry. I understand that you were hurt.” [53:10]
For men, learning to be apologetic is a skill you can practice. Fake it ‘til you make it! [57:56]
Women need to know they are appreciated. Many times, the man thinks he is showing that, but it doesn’t feel that way to her. [58:36]
If one person makes a change, there will be a change in the relationship. The letter writing exercise works wonders. [01:06:45]
Women actually have 10 times more power to make a relationship better than a man does. [01:10:24]
It is really important for men to learn loving behaviors. [01:15:12]
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