S02E22 The Care and Challenge Episode

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Check-In Question

• If you were invisible, what's the first thing you would do?
• What good can you do while being invisible?

Big Ideas:

• 4 quadrant matrix - Caring Personally, Challenging Directly
  • High Care, High Challenge - Radical Candor
  • High Care, Low Challenge - Ruinous Empathy
  • Low Care, High Challenge - Obnoxious Aggression
  • Low Care, Low Challenge - Manipulative Insincerity
• Industry dependent  (ie, manufacturing more direct, healthcare less direct)
• gender dynamics at play - women not wanting to challenge directly for fear of being labelled a "B*tch", men don't want to be seen as weak
• Can compassion be radical?
• Compassion using the heart and the mind
• Radical - getting to the root of things
• lay down unilateral power, hold each other accountable
• Radical means essential
• end of command and control with pandemic
• "I can't believe this trust thing is working." ~CXO of some company
• Invite them to give you feedback first and make it a regular part of your day, even in small conversation
• Get to know your team about their career aspirations
• Assumption that people want to advance - Rock Stars versus Super Stars
• Assess how giving and getting feedback
• Ebb and flow between being a rock star and super stardom
• Often only way to grow is to be a manager - what about those who don't want to be a manager? 
• Often only reward the managers financially, not the ICs
• Difference between learning and growing up the ladder
• Pair the care and the candor all the time 
• Passive, aggressive - assertiveness as the third way
• Not falling prey to either or
• Permission parenting, authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting - finding the middle ground
• We are human and won't always walk the perfect path
• Bill Gates - "Give me the bad news."
• Cultural implications around radical candor
• Use too many disclaimers to soften negative feedback, which takes away the candor
• Recency and latency biases make us  forget the middle in the "Sandwich" technique
• So many nuances
• Normalize radical candor
• Invite public criticism as a leader, so you show people you are willing to take it
• Otherwise, give all radical candor in private
• Often more care than candor
• Fear in speaking up and saying things
• When impact doesn't match intention
• I can't always measure the impact I will have on people 
• Sometimes the way we see the truth can hurt someone, but does that mean we shouldn't say it? 
• Can people take your "Radical Candor"?
• Inquisitive radical candor - test the waters first?
• Knowing the right time to give feedback - it will land different in different circumstances
• "Radical candor is not measured at the mouth of the speaker, but at the ears of the listener." 

Resources Mentioned:

• Radical Candor by Kim Scott
• The Culture Map by Erin Meyer

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