Be Hard to Kill But Soft Enough to Speak - Christian De La Torre on PTSD, Brotherhood & Being a Man

Veteran & former infantry officer Christian De La Torre gets real about delayed PTSD, rockets over Bagram, and the blueprint men need now: the “King’s Council.” We break down how to ask for help without feeling weak, why every man should learn self‑defense (and change a tire), building real brotherhood, and staying level in hard seasons.

What you’ll learn

• PTSD that shows up years later—how triggers work and what to do

• The King’s Council: a practical playbook for men’s friendship & accountability

• ROTC vs. enlisted: respect, leadership, and earning trust

• Why trained men fight less—and why confrontation can be healthy

• AARs (after‑action reviews) for life, not just the military

• Sunday as a barometer for your life & stress protocol that actually helps

Chapters

00:00 Cold open

02:58 ROTC vs. enlisted, earning respect as a young officer

06:03 Afghanistan, Bagram & what combat looked like in his era

10:13 Movies vs. reality—how the battlefield changed

16:13 “Closest call” — rockets, alarms and fear management

18:27 PTSD didn’t hit right away: the delayed wave

20:07 Triggers: motorcycles, helicopters, fireworks

23:12 “Pain is pain” — don’t compare your trauma

27:12 “It ain’t weak to speak” — how to start the convo

31:12 Vulnerability invites vulnerability: the car & bar stories

36:41 Creating safe space with men: trust > performance

40:14 What to take to your partner vs. your guys

44:40 King’s Council rules: cadence, honesty, accountability

50:55 AARs for civilians: debriefs, sustains, improves

54:52 Where to find brothers: jiu‑jitsu, run clubs, retreats, even gaming

57:11 Veterans & civilians: step‑by‑step to build your squad

1:02:20 What it means to be a man today (integrity, service, vulnerability)

1:05:00 Why “change a tire” still matters (competence & calm)

1:12:14 Self‑defense & fitness: be capable, not reckless

1:18:41 Hard seasons: mindset, journaling, small wins

1:21:15 Action is vitamin A — get vertical, get moving

1:36:03 Do 4 hard things a year; compound the average

1:37:35 Sunday as a life barometer; make it the best day

1:44:18 What’s next for Christian (content road trip, The Trace Club)

1:45:57 Where to find him & wrap

Resources mentioned

• Men’s groups/retreats (e.g., Everyman), jiu‑jitsu & martial arts, run clubs

• After‑Action Review (AAR) framework for life debriefs

• “It ain’t weak to speak” (mental health ethos)

About the show

Tactical conversations at the intersection of men’s mental health, performance, and modern masculinity, grounded in actions you can use today.

Disclaimer

This conversation includes adult language and mentions of war. It’s for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. If you’re struggling, talk to a qualified professional or someone you trust today.

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