The A to Z English Podcast A to Z Dear Jack 28 | "In a Holiday Gift Quandary"
Dear Xochitl and Jack,
I hope this email finds you ASAP. I find myself in a bit of a sticky situation, and I'm desperately seeking your wisdom to get me through this unexpected conundrum.
So, I'm currently on a Christmas date with my incredible boyfriend at this insanely fancy restaurant. The ambiance is magical, and he just surprised me with an unbelievably expensive Christmas present. I'm talking about jaw-dropping, multiple-times-more-expensive-than-what-I-got-him kind of surprise.
Now, here's the kicker—I had to excuse myself to the bathroom not once, but twice to collect myself. I didn't want him to see the internal struggle I'm going through right now. I'm genuinely touched by his generosity, but it caught me off guard, and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Should I give him the gift I got for him, even though it feels like pocket change compared to what he gave me? Or should I come up with some elaborate excuse to avoid the whole exchange and prevent any awkwardness?
I'm typing this from the bathroom on my phone, and I can feel the seconds ticking away. Your advice means the world to me, guys. I need to make a decision, and fast!
Sincerely,
In a Holiday Gift Quandary
Transcript:
00:00:00
Jack
Dear Jack.
00:00:04
Jack
Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And today I have a dear social and Jack e-mail from one of our students. Actually, this is a a text message. I don't think we received it in time to help this person, but.
00:00:22
Jack
We can try to give them a little help.
00:00:25
Jack
After the situation, so let me let me read the e-mail here really quickly and then you'll understand what I'm talking about. Dear, social and Jack, I hope this e-mail finds you well. I'm in a bit of a pickle and could really use your wise counsel on how to navigate through a delicate situation and for our listeners.
00:00:46
Jack
There, when you say in a bit of a.
00:00:47
Jack
Pickle means I'm.
00:00:49
Jack
I have a problem. I'm in a pickle. I have a problem.
00:00:54
Jack
Last night, my boyfriend and I went out for a special Christmas dinner at a fancy restaurant. Everything was going well and the atmosphere was perfect.
00:01:04
Jack
He surprised me with an extraordinarily expensive Christmas present and I was truly taken aback by his generosity.
00:01:15
Jack
The thing is the gift he gave me is many, many times more expensive than the one I got for him.
00:01:24
Jack
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I excused myself to the bathroom a couple of times during the evening to collect my thoughts. I didn't want him to see that I was struggling with this.
00:01:38
Jack
Unexpected turn of events. Now I find myself confused about what to do next. Part of me feels I should give him the gift I got for him, even though it's not as good as the one he gave me. On the other hand, I'm afraid that it might make the situation.
00:01:58
Jack
Awkward or hurt his feelings. I genuinely, genuinely appreciate his thoughtfulness and generosity, and I don't wanna do anything that might over shadow the joy of the moment.
00:02:10
Jack
So social and Jack, I'm turning to you because I respect your opinion and would love to hear your perspective on this matter. How should I handle this delicate situation without causing any discomfort or making him feel like he went overboard? Thank you so much for your time and guidance. Sincerely caught in a gift.
00:02:37
Xochitl
That can happen.
00:02:39
Xochitl
And I think it's OK I think.
00:02:41
Xochitl
A lot of there are a lot of factors to consider. One does he make significant?
00:02:45
Xochitl
Gently, more money than you or like, do you. Are you having any financial struggles or anything? Because in that case I think it's perfectly excusable. And he'd probably understand and expect that you won't be giving him some lavish gift.
00:02:59
Xochitl
Two, how thoughtful was your gift? Maybe it wasn't as expensive, but was it something that you put a lot of thought? And.
00:03:09
Xochitl
Like energy and effort into? Because if so, then I believe that he would appreciate it. Anyway. Things don't have to necessarily be equal in monetary value as long as they're equal in thoughtfulness. I think that's enough.
00:03:24
Xochitl
And three, I would say just have a conversation say, hey, look, I really, I appreciate your gift. I'm feeling kind of embarrassed because for XYZ reason, I didn't really go all out for you this year and I wasn't expecting such a thoughtful and expensive gift from you.
00:03:42
Xochitl
UM.
00:03:45
Xochitl
You know what can I do to make make it up to you? Like maybe think ahead of time and try to. If it wasn't a very thoughtful gift, try to get him a more thoughtful gift, even if it's not an expensive gift or you know, as we know, I'm a huge proponent of the experienced trip or whatever. So you could plan some kind of.
00:04:06
Xochitl
It doesn't have to be a trip or anything, but just some kind of.
00:04:09
Xochitl
Memory. Beautiful memory experience that you guys can do together.
00:04:16
Xochitl
That I think would be equally as thoughtful.
00:04:19
Xochitl
Jack, what do you think?
00:04:21
Jack
I'm going to go.
00:04:22
Jack
Take a little bit of a different.
00:04:23
Jack
Angle here I think.
00:04:26
Jack
Maybe this is an old fashioned viewpoint, but I think men like to.
00:04:33
Jack
Empress to Woo, Woo is like attract, you know, so.
00:04:38
Jack
I think.
00:04:40
Jack
You know I.
00:04:40
Jack
I don't think he's. I don't think he's measuring. You know what I mean? I think if it were between, like 2 friends and one friend spent $100 and the other friends spent $500, then that's an awkward situation because you, you're. There's a miscommunication there. Like, it's not.
00:05:00
Jack
You know what, I.
00:05:01
Jack
Mean you're not spending this the same thing?
00:05:04
Jack
But even then it could be it could.
00:05:05
Jack
Be because one person makes a lot more.
00:05:07
Jack
Money and so.
00:05:08
Jack
So you know, they felt like I could be more generous and I don't expect anything back. And so I would say if you know.
00:05:15
Jack
If he's your.
00:05:15
Jack
Boyfriend. He he loves you. I don't think he's really concerned about how much you paid for it. I think like what you said. It's the thoughtfulness that went into the gift, you know?
00:05:30
Jack
If he's really into gaming and you got him a game that he really wanted, yeah, it might be a fraction of the price of what the thing that he bought you.
00:05:43
Jack
I mean if.
00:05:44
Jack
He wants to splurge and spoil you. I think you know, like, let him and don't feel.
00:05:50
Jack
Guilty about it?
00:05:52
Jack
That's my feeling. I I don't think she needs to feel like.
00:05:58
Jack
She's her gift is somehow below. Yeah. Giving him, like, I would just give the gift. I I think not giving him anything would be worse because it would be kind of like I don't even. I didn't even think about you. You might mention something.
00:06:03
Jack
Three-year.
00:06:10
Xochitl
Right.
00:06:17
Jack
And say like.
00:06:18
Jack
I'm a little bit embarrassed.
00:06:20
Jack
This is no nowhere near.
00:06:22
Jack
As you know, expensive as what you got me. And he might say. Yeah, I know. I know. We, we we discussed you know only $100 but I love you. I wanted to do something special for you. And so I think it's OK to spoil each other in a relationship sometimes. I just don't think it's OK to spoil someone.
00:06:42
Jack
And then expect to be spoiled back.
00:06:45
Jack
And and and have hurt feelings when you when it doesn't.
00:06:45
Xochitl
Right, right. Like you're.
00:06:49
Jack
Happen, you know.
00:06:51
Xochitl
Right, right. Like he he probably or we're.
00:06:54
Xochitl
Hoping he gave it to her.
00:06:57
Xochitl
Without expecting anything in return, like he didn't give it to her to get something equally as amazing back, he did it for her because he wanted to make her happy. And in that case, yeah, I don't think she has to worry about necessarily matching his gift dollar for dollar or, you know, effort for effort as long as.
00:07:06
Jack
Right.
00:07:17
Xochitl
You know you.
00:07:19
Xochitl
You're trying on your end, UM, and that and that will happen over a long term relationship of time together there's sometimes where, for example, with my boyfriend last Christmas.
00:07:28
Xochitl
Miss my gift was.
00:07:32
Xochitl
More thoughtful than his. And then for our birthdays this year, his gift was more thoughtful than mine for his birthday.
00:07:40
Xochitl
So it's just you.
00:07:41
Xochitl
Know it's where you're never gonna meet each other.
00:07:43
Xochitl
100%.
00:07:44
Xochitl
Right where you're at.
00:07:46
Xochitl
Every single holiday, because sometimes you have more money, sometimes you have less money. Sometimes you had other expenses that month.
00:07:52
Xochitl
UM, sometimes you had other family obligations or expectations, or friend expectations or obligations, and just whatever can happen. There are a lot of different things that can come in the middle and you are just rarely.
00:08:06
Xochitl
You know, be exactly eye for an eye like a relationship isn't transactional in that way.
00:08:13
Jack
Should never be transactional exactly, and if he has a temper tantrum, then this there's that's a red flag in the relationship.
00:08:24
Jack
The fact that she's so worried about it, I mean, it makes me think that they're kind of newly dating, so they're kind of figuring this stuff out a little bit. So he's trying to impress her and she's, you know, kind of on not, I don't wanna say defense. So, but you know what I mean? Like, he's pursuing her. But they did say their boyfriend and girlfriend.
00:08:43
Jack
So they are.
00:08:43
Jack
A couple they must have been dating for.
00:08:45
Jack
While I.
00:08:46
Xochitl
Right.
00:08:48
Jack
I I just.
00:08:48
Jack
I really don't see any problem with this at all, as long as her gift is is thoughtful, I don't really think the price is the is the most important thing. I think the thought the thought behind it is what really matters and and he must understand.
00:09:00
Xochitl
Right.
00:09:05
Jack
How much money she makes, she must know.
00:09:08
Jack
What kind of money she makes, and maybe he makes a lot more money. And in that case, then he could probably has the has the freedom to spoil her with nicer gifts and he.
00:09:20
Jack
Probably wants to.
00:09:21
Jack
Do that because he loves her. So I would say don't feel guilty. You're this is. You're letting your own self esteem.
00:09:28
Jack
Kind of get in the way of enjoying this and I would say just relax, take a deep breath, give him your gift, accept it graciously and enjoy the night. And. And don't ruminate about about it, because it's just gonna ruin your evening. So that would be my advice.
00:09:48
Xochitl
Yep, I definitely agree. Listeners, what would you do if you were in this situation? If you were in a pickle like this? Tell us what would be your reaction? What would be your response and what would you do to remedy the situation? Or do you think it's not a problem at all kind?
00:10:04
Xochitl
Of like Jack and I.
00:10:06
Xochitl
That as well, let us know in a comment at A-Z englishpodcast.com shoot us an e-mail at AZ englishpodcast@gmail.com or shoot us a message on our WhatsApp.
00:10:17
Xochitl
Group or on our WeChat group. And if you have an question that you would like to ask us or some advice that you would like to get from us, make sure to shoot us an e-mail about that as well. Again at A-Z, englishpodcast@gmail.com and we will talk to you guys.
00:10:33
Xochitl
Next time bye bye bye.
00:10:34
Jack
Bye bye.
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