This week on The Way They Were, we do the unthinkable: we go back to Love Actually. Gráinne and Chantal rank the couples from least offensive to “maybe we should call the police”, asking the big questions Richard Curtis never did. Who do we hate the most? Are half these characters quietly unhinged? What exactly is going on with Keira Knightley’s extremely youthful bride? And is the secretary secretly a feminist icon? (No.)

Along the way we interrogate Christmas number ones, language barriers, workplace power dynamics, and why we will always, always cry during that Emma Thompson scene.

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Love Actually: Ranking Every Awful Couple